On Days Like This
by skygirl55
Summary: Could a tragic event nudge Det. Kate Beckett and her partner, Richard Castle, PI, into being more than just coworkers? Caskett AU.
1. Prologue

**On Days Like This**

Could a tragic event nudge Det. Kate Beckett and her partner, Richard Castle, PI, into being more than just coworkers? Caskett AU.

* * *

 **Prologue**

Detective Kate Beckett was wrenched into consciousness by a sharp pain in her shoulder and a persistent ache inside her skull. God, what had happened to her? And how was it possible that her head hurt so badly?

Moaning slightly, she tried to open her eyes and focus, but she could not; her brain tissue felt as though it was actively throbbing against the interior of her skull, so she merely remained where she was with her eyes closed and attempted to assess her situation. She lay on her left side with her arms behind her back. No—not just behind her back; _tied_ behind her back—or possibly cuffed. She wiggled her toes and realized she still wore her shoes, which was a good sign, but the fact that the ground she lay on felt extremely hard and damp probably was not.

For almost a full minute Kate breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth trying to will herself to focus not on her pain, but her surroundings. Clearly, she was being held under duress, which meant she needed to rely on her training and not panic unnecessarily or react too emotionally. Keeping level headed would help her survive…if only her head didn't hurt so much!

Gritting her teeth, Kate forced her eyes open only to find herself in a very dark room. She blinked several times, but the ambient light didn't change. The area in front of her was so dark it was nearly impossible for her to determine the depth of the space. She could have been two inches or twenty feet from a wall; she had no idea. Fortunately, she could tell a small amount of light came from behind her, which meant there was a possibility of determining where she was, but it also meant she had to sit up and move—neither of which she was very interested in doing given her throbbing headache.

After another thirty seconds of psyching herself up, Kate clenched her stomach muscles, pushed her left arm against the ground and slowly elevated her torso. "God," she moaned when she was finally able to sit up. As suspected, her head definitely hurt worse while she was upright, which made her stomach flip in her gut. Squinting her eyes, she saw the ambient light came from a small, low-wattage lightbulb that appeared to be overtop of a doorway. Given that she was handcuffed, seeing the door didn't even excite Kate; she merely assumed it would be locked.

Before she had but another second to consider her predicament, Kate caught a glimpse of movement in the corner of the room beside the doorway and light. Her chest constricting with fear, Kate realized she was not alone. Someone was in the room with her and she was unable to defend herself with her arms behind her back. _Fuck_.

"I…you…don't…" She scrambled away from the figure, unable to formulate an appropriate threat due to the thundering of her heart and rapid churning of her gut. All she could do was press her feet against the floor and attempt to slide her butt back against the ground, which was beginning to feel like concrete.

"It's okay, Beckett; it's just me."

Kate stopped moving at the sound of the male voice. It was…familiar, but in her terrified and pained state, she couldn't place it. Fortunately, her shock had caused a momentary burst of adrenaline which lessened her headache enough for her to be able to think. She concentrated her mind on the voice and the way the last syllable of her name had been accentuated. It was so familiar. She heard it often. Almost as though…

"C-Castle?" she stammered out half in disbelief, wondering how in the hell the writer-turned-PI had ended up there with her.

"Yeah," he confirmed a bit glumly.

"Wha…what—how—where…where are we? What's going on?" She fired questions at him the moment she was able to focus enough to connect her brain with her mouth.

"Sorry; I woke up just as confused as you—and with a killer headache." He added with a grumble.

While she sympathized with him on that point, Kate's questioning was far from done. "I don't understand—how are you her with me? Did you do something that got us kidnapped?"

She heard his tongue click. "Me?! Why do you assume it's me!?"

"Because it's always you," she said with no small amount of exhaustion. In the six months since Castle had first turned up in connection to one of her cases, he had been handcuffed by her or one of her team members more times than she could count. True, he had never actually been charged with a crime in that time, but he was continually skulking around their crime scenes and sticking his nose in where it didn't belong. And, okay, _maybe_ on a few occasions he had been helpful, but given how irritating he was, his assistance was hardly a trade-off.

In the prior few months, Castle had, by his own admission, been ramping up his PI business in the wake of helping the NYPD catch a serial killer masquerading as postal worker—a collar for which he received significant attention from the press, much to the chagrin of the actual detectives working the case. Ever since, the former writer, who had switched to working as a PI after being intrigued by one of his research subjects (or, as Kate liked to think, when he couldn't think of any more adventures for Derrick Storm to go on), had been underfoot more than usual, stirring up trouble with victims and suspects alike. Thus, in Kate's mind, the fact that he might be responsible for their predicament was not out of the question. In fact, it was almost likely.

Castle grumbled. "It is not always me. I'm just as much a victim as you are, Beckett. They tied up my hands and knocked me on the head…what's the last thing you remember?"

"I…" She paused to think back as best she could with her still-throbbing brain. "I…I was at my desk looking for any properties connected to the suspect. I…an address—I think I wrote down an address of a property owned by Jameson's great uncle, but I—oh!" She gasped when a very clear memory hit her. "Castle! I sent you home this morning and told you to stay the hell away from this case."

Though on the surface it may not have seemed that dramatically different from any other case, Kate's gut had been telling her different all along. The victim had been tortured before his death—his fingers had been cut off and his arms burned. Putting this information in the database had come up with two other recent bodies found in similar states, which indicated their vic could have been the third in a pattern. Plus, she got an immensely creepy vibe from one of the witnesses in the vic's building who saw a man sprinting away from the victim's apartment—a man they were able to identify with ATM footage, thus making him their prime suspect, who just happened to have a history of violent assaults.

"No," Castle corrected her proudly, "you said this case was dangerous and that I should go home."

"That's the same thing."

"Technically, it isn't."

"CASTLE!" She screeched at him then immediately regretted it as it caused her temples to throb even more. God, if their crazed kidnapper didn't kill her, the stress of being Richard Castle's unofficial ride-along partner probably would.

"Well, it isn't."

"But—I… we already have potentially three dead bodies and you have a child! I'm trying to keep you safe!"

"Aww that's sweet of you Beckett."

Kate practically growled at the genuine sound of his voice. Of course he'd twist something factual into some sort of emotion-laced compliment! "Wha—no—it's my job. Your job is to stay in the car, observe, and go home when I tell you."

"No, it isn't and you know it—you know I can help."

"Oh yeah, you're really helping now…" she muttered while tugging at her wrists and trying to determine what bound them together. Given their lack of mobility and how tightly they were pressed together, she knew her police cuffs were not the kidnapper's choice restraint. If she had to guess, she would have said her hands were bound by zip ties, which was slightly better than the metal cuffs, but not by much.

"I can help!"

"Fine. Just…just tell me the last thing you remember." Kate rested her right shoulder against the wall and bent her knees so her feet were flat on the ground as she waited for the former writer to speak what would undoubtedly be a highly-detailed tale. Hopefully it would help her figure out what the hell was going on.

"Well…I left when you told me to, but for the next several hours I thought about the victims. They were from all over the city, their bodies discovered in different locations, and none were last seen at the same place, but that doesn't mean they weren't in the same place at some point towards the end of their lives, right? So I went back to the Twelfth to tell you that and…and your desk! The stickie note!" He proclaimed enthusiastically. "I saw an address written down…well, the shadow of an address on the next stickie, but I was able to make it out and….and then things tart to get fuzzy. How about you?"

She thought for a moment before groaning. God, why was everything so hazy!? "The address…yeah, I went to investigate it, but I'm not sure I remember what it is now—not that it matters. We might be there, or someplace else and…yeah, like you said, it's all pretty fuzzy. And now we're both stuck here, tied up…"

"At least you're not alone."

In that moment Castle's positivity did nothing but annoy her further. "If I was alone, I would be perfectly fine."

Again, he clicked his tongue. "Really? Have any ideas how to get these restraints off our hands?"

"Not at the moment."

"Well, then its good I'm here because I do. There's a razor blade in my shoe."

Unable to fully process his statement in her hazy state, Kate merely blinked and asked, "What?"

"My shoe—there's a razor blade beneath the insole."

The level of pride in Castle's statement seemed to indicate that that his shoe not only contained a razor blade, but also a prized national treasure, like the original version of the Declaration of Independence. Endlessly confused, she opened her mouth, but it was a full thirty seconds before any sound came out. "…why?"

"In case I ever got kidnapped and had to cut myself loose—obviously."

Kate chose not to crack a joke about her partner expecting to be kidnapped and what that said about his personality and "profession" (term used loosely). Still, his choice was certainly not the most practical and she couldn't help but mention it. "But…how would you get to your shoe?"

"I….well, that doesn't matter now because you can do it. C'mere—it's in my right shoe."

She sighed to herself, knowing that his razor blade was their best shot at getting out of their current predicament. She scooted herself towards the sound of his voice until she could just barely make out his silhouette by using the dim light. She dug her heels into the ground, so she could rotate her butt around and get her hands in position to remove his shoe. As they were bound so tightly together, the task was difficult, but with his help, she did pull the loafer off. Then, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth, she dug around beneath the insole until she retrieved the blade, which thankfully had a protective case around it.

"Okay, got it," she said to him. She popped open the cover on the blade and then twisted her hands in the direction of the restraints. Naturally, on first try she stabbed herself on the wrist and muttered out a curse. She tried again only to face the same result. Huffing out a breath she craned her neck around and said, "Maybe I should try to cut you free first."

"Okay." He agreed before scooting around so they were back to back. Kate then pinched the blade between her left index finger and middle finger, so it was out of the way and used her right hand to grope around until she found a part of the plastic restraints she felt was far enough away from his skin to try and cut through. Then, she transferred the blade to her right hand and began to saw.

Through slow but steady progress, Kate was able to cut Castle free while doing only minimal damage to his skin. Once his hands were no longer bound, he returned the favor, so they were both free. Kate then turned so she sat facing him, rubbing her sore wrists while resting her elbows on her thighs. With the razor blade safely back in the man's shoe, she said, "So, now what?"

He turned his head towards her. "Oh, I see. Now you want me to come up with the plan."

"Well I wanted to check to see if you had some sort of…I don't know, Swiss Army multi-tool in your underwear or something."

"Ha-ha."

Cracking the smallest of smiles she said, "Well, I had to check. Now, I guess I should take a look at this door."

When she stood, he stood as well and said, "Don't you mean 'we?'"

"Not really."

He grumbled at her. "Beckett. C'mon we're partners—we're supposed to work together."

Kate let out a derisive laugh. "We're not partners."

"I think we are."

Turning towards him she said firmly, "No, we're not." Castle was not her partner. He was, on occasion, a consultant working with the NYPD—an unwanted consultant, in her opinion. She didn't need a half-cocked, former writer meddling in her cases and acting like an expert when he was anything but. Did he, on occasion, have some helpful insight? Yes, and she appreciated that input, but more often he was a thorn in her side and—worse—a danger to her, himself, and her NYPD colleagues.

"Really?" he responded, clearly annoyed. "We're the only two people here and its up to us to figure out how to get out so I would say that qualifies us as partners, wouldn't you?"

Knowing she had to focus all her energy on their escape, Kate gave up with a shrug. "Fine. You can call us partners while we're in here if that makes you feel better."

"Mm no I think we're going to be partners after we get out of here, too."

"Is that so?" she responded flippantly, but then she felt his hand close gently around her arm and she gasped slightly at the touch.

Stepping up close enough so that she could actually see his eyes despite the barely-lit room, Castle dipped his chin and spoke to her in a light, but clearly more serious tone. "Uh huh. We'll get out of here, solve this case, and then you won't be able to help yourself. You'll want me to work with you all the time."

Laughing, Kate shrugged off his grasp and turned towards the room's only egress. "Yeah right." She muttered.

She felt him step up beside her as he proudly said, "You'll see, Beckett. We'll be partners; I guarantee it."

* * *

 **A/N:** This story will have 14 Parts (Prologue + 12 Chaps + Epilogue)

I've been trying to write some version of the Castle-is-a-PI AU for years and it finally came together in this story. PHEW!

Hope you guys enjoy - thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Sitting at her desk, Detective Kate Beckett tapped her pen casually against the edge of her keyboard as she gazed down at the notes and files before her. The precinct was quiet—almost too quiet. For all the times she begged for silence and practically had to barricade herself in a conference room just for some peace to prep for a court appearance, she was suddenly being driven crazy by the calm; ironic.

By that point—mid-afternoon on the day before a holiday—those not required to be on shift had cleared out leaving her mostly alone on the homicide floor. She only had to be on duty two more hours that day but was on call all night and into the next day. Not that she minded; she never had trouble working holidays so those with children could spend time with their families. She actually looked forward to it, since it would give her the time she needed to prep for her court case the following month. That was assuming the murderers of New York City took a break from stabbing and shooting people.

Just as she contemplated getting herself a mug of tea, Kate was interrupted by a cheerful, juvenile voice proclaiming, "Happy Thanksgiving, Kate!"

Kate didn't even need to turn her head to know who was greeting her. Smiling immediately, Kate dropped her pen, folded her hands in her lap, and turned to face the petite red-head. The freckle-faced girl was bundled in a purple coat with a lime green scarf and wore a brown hat shaped like the body of a turkey with a neck and head attached to one end and feather plumage attached to the other. While the girls colorful-yet-complimentary coat and scarf clearly came from her grandmother, the hat screamed like a gift from her father.

Reaching out, Kate tugged playfully at the free ends of the girl's scarf saying, "Well, look at you turkey-girl. Gobble gobble!"

Alexis giggled and then glanced up over her shoulder to where her father stood just a foot away, hands in his pockets, smiling casually down at her. Kate locked eyes with the man she now called partner and greeted him with a casual, "Castle."

He nodded back. "Beckett."

"Kate—are you gonna have lots of turkey tomorrow, Kate?"

Turning back to the small girl she said, "Um, I don't know. Maybe. It depends since I'll be working."

"The parade?"

"No!" Kate groaned despite the girl's enthusiasm as working the Macy's parade was very high on the list of things she never wanted to do again—particularly not when the day's forecasted high was not going to be above freezing. Softening her tone in the reflection of Alexis's confusion, Kate continued. "No, um, I haven't done that since my first year on the force. I'll just be working a regular shift."

"But what about your dad?"

"He's at his cabin this week; there aren't any classes at NYU," she said of her father's employer.

"And you work all day?"

Picking up on an air of sadness in the girl's tone, Kate reached out and tugged on her scarf again. "Don't worry about me, Alexis. Just worry about trying to stay awake after all the turkey and gravy your Dad'll make."

"See I told you 'lexis," Castle said, giving his girl's shoulder a squeeze. "I said she probably had to work."

Rounding her shoulders dramatically Alexis said, "I know, but I had to check! What about Friday? Do you work Friday, Kate?"

"No."

A grin exploded on Alexis's face. "Then come have sandwiches with us!"

"Sandwiches?"

"She means leftovers—in a sandwich. They're pretty tasty if I do say so myself," Castle explained.

"Oh." Kate's gaze shifted between father and daughter for a moment, uncertain of how she should respond. It was a holiday weekend—a time for family—and the last thing she wanted to do was intrude, but they were inviting her—and it was for lunch, something casual, so she figured it would be okay. "Um…okay."

"Yay!" Alexis cheered and then stepped up to throw her arms around Kate's neck. Kate chuckled, patted the girl's back, and then lightly tapped the end of her nose when she pulled away.

"You have a good holiday, okay?"

"Okay!"

Kate then turned to Castle and gave him a half smile, which he returned. "Eleven-thirty Friday for lunch?"

"Sounds good. I'll, ah, be there," she added while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

He nodded. "Happy Thanksgiving, Kate."

"Ah, yeah; you too."

"Bye Kate! Bye!" Alexis waved frantically to her even after she and her father were on their way back towards the elevators.

Once the young girl was out of sight, Kate turned back to her paperwork, but found herself unable to concentrate. Skimming her fingers over her chin, she leaned back in her seat and thought about the sweet—and very enthusiastic—little girl who just visited. Alexis was adorable; there was no doubt about that. Kate had no problems being friends with the father-daughter duo, but she was almost taken aback at times by Alexis's enthusiasm towards her, as she had done practically nothing to encourage it other than be kind and friendly. She supposed that if Castle wasn't concerned, she shouldn't be, but…well, she'd never been a quasi-role model to a little girl before and certainly didn't want to mess it up.

Nine months earlier, after successfully extricating themselves from captivity and arresting the murderer-turned-kidnapper responsible for their state, Kate had (reluctantly) agreed that Castle had earned himself a place as her semi-permanent case consultant. Over the next several months, he nudged is way into becoming an almost constant presence in the precinct and, after one harrowing afternoon during which he heroically saved them both from a crazed man by using her spare weapon after she'd suffered a concussion, she finally felt willing to acknowledge him as her partner.

Over the summer they bonded more as they shared her cases and her car. She learned more about his life as a divorced single-father and she told him about her mother's murder and how the case was unsolved. Kate was pleasantly surprised to discover that beneath the jokey, kid-on-a-sugar-rush exterior, Castle was a genuinely good man, a faithful friend, and an impressively intuitive observer. Despite this, they remained only colleagues until one excruciatingly hot August day when he called her asking for a favor.

Evidently, that day at the summer camp Alexis attended, a slightly-crazed parent going through a divorce had showed up and tried to take his child away by force. Screaming, crying, and a general comeuppance occurred and resulted in the police intervening and arresting the man. As a result, Alexis—along with the other young children in attendance—had been slightly traumatized. Thus, Castle requested that Kate come to his house in her official uniform to help assuage some of Alexis's fears.

Though she had only met the young girl once before, Kate did not hesitate to fulfil her partner's request, so after changing into her dress uniform, she went to the Castle apartment and had a tea party with Alexis, her father, and some stuffed animals. When at the end of the afternoon Alexis quietly asked if Kate would come back some time, she had no choice but to agree, and thus their relationship began.

At first, their interactions were nothing too extreme: a casual dinner, a Saturday afternoon ice cream treat, once they even watched a movie at the Castle apartment. The real shift came one evening when Alexis talked Kate into playing a game after dinner. Thinking her loose hair would be in the way, Kate had quickly plaited her long locks into a braid, secured the ends with a tie on her wrist, and got down on the living room floor to read the game instructions. While she gave this act no second thought, it wasn't until a few days later when Castle confessed his daughter was now mesmerized by how she'd braided her hair so quickly, that Kate realized just how significant it was that the little girl had no constant female role model in her life.

With Alexis's mother off in California doing a play, and her paternal grandmother traveling around the country in a production of _Hello, Dolly!_ Alexis's only constant adult was her father. From what Kate had seen, Castle was an incredible father, so she really didn't see his solo parentage as an issue, except for the fact that he was a male raising a female. While no one could fault his effort, there were certain things about growing up a young girl that he simply could not understand. Evidently, speedy hair braiding was one of them.

After making sure it was okay with her father, Kate began to check in with Alexis weekly, even if it was just calling her to say hello and ask how her day was. As a result, they had several solo outings together, one of which involved searching the city for the perfect pair of tights to go with the new dress her mother had sent her in the mail. Though she never thought of herself as someone overly interested in small children, Kate quickly found herself smitten with the precocious first-grader—something that, if she thought about it too intently—made her anxious.

Though she would not back out of her lunch agreement with the Castle family, Kate still remained uncertain. For the most part, she didn't like the celebrate holidays given her fractured family. True, a lunch on Black Friday was hardly a holiday celebration, but it was close to a holiday, which made her nervous about what sort of precedent she was setting for the future, but then she supposed she would cross that bridge when she came to it, and for the time being just get back to her paperwork.

* * *

"Okay, Pumpkin—why don't you get changed out of your uniform so we can get started on the pie dough before dinner," Castle said to his daughter the moment they arrived home on that pre-Thanksgiving afternoon.

"Okay Dad!"

Once the little girl had rushed off to her room, her backpack swinging around on her shoulders as she went, Castle shrugged off his coat, hung it in the closet, and then walked into the kitchen while rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. He then set out two large bowls on the countertop and began to gather ingredients, placing them on the kitchen table since the space in the actual kitchen was limited at best. As he placed the cinnamon and nutmeg beside the can of pumpkin puree, he found his chest swelling with the holiday spirit; this really was his favorite time of year—despite it being his first as a single parent. Well, he supposed that was only true in a technical sense. The prior year he and Meredith had still been married, but as he'd discovered the affair she was having not a month before, it wasn't as though they were together in any sense but a legal one.

Without question the prior year of Castle's life had been the most difficult of his thirty-some years. Though he'd known probably for six months prior that there would probably be no saving their marriage, discovering his wife's affair had been a solid blow both mentally and emotionally. Yes, they'd had their ups and downs, but he loved her and was committed to their life together—their family. Finding out that Meredith cheated was bad enough, but her flippant attitude when confronted twisted the knife in his heart.

With his writing career almost completely dead thanks to a combination of lackluster sales and a struggle to put words down on a page (which, frankly, probably contributed to the lackluster sales), Castle threw himself into two things: raising his daughter and turning the PI hobby he'd been dabbling with into a real career. A year later he could proudly say that both had been a success. Alexis was happy and thriving, and his PI work brought in enough income to cover his bills without him needing to dip into the royalty checks he still received for his first five successful books.

Though he was proud of what he accomplished, Castle openly acknowledge that he alone was not responsible for his success. His mother did pitch in a lot with Alexis when she was available, and he had two very kind and understanding neighbors who babysat when she wasn't around. He also owed a lot to the NYPD for allowing him to consult as much as he did—and for the important friendships and thus support system he'd discovered there.

"Ready!" Alexis announced when she scampered back into the kitchen dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, come over here." He led her to the kitchen table and pulled out one of the chairs for her to kneel on. Then, after placing the bag of flour in front of her he handed over the one cup measurer and said, "Fill this with flour three times and dump it in that bowl."

Smiling she said, "You got it!"

Chuckling at her enthusiasm, Castle brushed his lips over his daughter's head on his way back to the kitchen to pull out the ingredients they needed from the refrigerator.

Twenty minutes later, after helping her finish stirring the dough when it became too stiff, Castle whisked together the pumpkin custard while Alexis pressed the dough down into the pie pan. When she was done, she climbed down off the chair, washed the dough residue from her hands and waited while her father filled the shell and then slide the yummy looking pie into the oven. With the oven door shut, Alexis crouched down and stared in through the window with great anticipation.

After several minutes of watching she turned to her father and said, "I hope Kate likes our pie."

Castle hummed from where he stood washing dishes. "Well, I don't know if she'll be eating any. Pie might not be a lunch food."

"She can have pie."

"Of course she can if she wants. I'm just saying: she might only want the sandwich."

Alexis shrugged and then leaned against the counter nearby where he stood. "I'm glad she's coming to each lunch with us."

Grinning, he said, "Me too." He was glad any time he was able to be in Kate's presence—maybe more than he should have been.

Though he was grateful for all the detectives at the NYPD who allowed him to assist in their cases, his partner Kate was head and shoulders above the rest. From the first day they met on a bone-chilling December afternoon nearly a year prior he found her to be one of the most extraordinary people he'd ever met. Coincidentally (or, as he liked to think of it, thanks to the hands of fate), he provided assistance on several of her cases that winter and one of those had landed them in a dank, dark basement together. While of course he would have preferred never to be kidnapped at all, he was grateful for that day for it solidified his partnership with Kate.

 _Kate_.

Just thinking about her made his heart flutter in his chest. _Simmer down, Castle; you're not there yet_ , he constantly reminded himself.

Given how often they saw each other—and how often he thought about her when they weren't seeing one another—and how much she seemed to enjoy being with Alexis, Castle could not help but think that one day they could be more than just colleagues and work-partners. Nearly a year after his wife moved out and six months after his divorce was finalized, he felt ready to get back out in the dating world again, and he unquestionably wanted to get back out there with Kate, but not then. The holiday season was not the right time for a new relationship, particularly when he needed to focus on making sure his daughter was not too distraught her mother would not be joining them for any holiday festivities.

In the new year, though…well, first he needed to find the best way of navigating to the soft side of his normally tough-as-nails partner. Then, he'd ask her to dinner. Or maybe a movie. Hell, it had been well over a year since he'd been romantic with anyone—maybe he needed to start with just coffee. Whatever the case, he knew he'd come up with the perfect idea when the time came.

* * *

 **A/N** Thanks for your all your reviews!


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Standing outside the door of Castle's apartment, Kate smoothed down her hair and adjusted the bags over her shoulder before sharply tapping her knuckles against the door. She had arrived promptly for their lunch on that post-holiday Friday, which was impressive considering how clogged the subways and buses were with Black Friday shoppers. Thankfully she had purchased her host's gift on Wednesday evening and thus avoided most of the shoppers.

"Kate! Welcome!" Castle greeted her enthusiastically when he opened the door of his apartment. She stepped inside before pulling the small white tote bag off her arm and holding it out to him.

"Here. A bottle of wine as a thank you for inviting me."

"Oh." He gazed down at the bag a moment before taking it from her hand and shaking his head. "You didn't have to do that."

She merely shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"Well, thank you anyway. You're just in time—I'm nearly done heating everything up."

When her partner walked off, Kate remained by the entryway, pulling off her winter gear. After leaving her boots by the door and hanging her coat and scarf in the closet, she stepped further into the cozy yet slightly cramped space and let out an exhale. For some reason, Castle's home had always felt very welcoming to her. Normally, when she visited her friend's residences she felt very stiff and on alert, not wanting to appear rude or over-comfortable, but she had never once felt that way in Castle's home. She knew that was in part simply because of Castle's relaxed, casual personality—and the fact that his place was cluttered with both his and Alexis's things and appeared well lived in rather than stoic or formal. Perhaps it also had to do with the man himself, who never treated her as a guest as much as one of them. She on occasion thought her level of comfort in his place should bother her, but it never did; she was just glad to have another place to unwind.

As she drifted further into the space, Kate caught sight of the stack of his own books that Castle kept on the coffee table for "conversation pieces" (his exact words), and gave a gentle shake of her head, as she always did. When Kate first read one of his books during college, it had never once crossed her mind that she might once meet the man who authored one of her favorite tales—let alone work with him. Given his affinity for jokes and general tomfoolery, it was sometimes hard to believe that the writer Richard Castle and her partner were one in the same. Still, she was glad to know him, even if she was slightly disappointed she might not read one of his books ever again.

"Kate! You're here!" Alexis cheered when caught sight of the elder woman. She ran from the table to give Kate a strong hug around the waist, which Kate gladly reciprocated.

"How was your Thanksgiving?"

"Good! We ate a lot!"

Kate chucked. "I'm sure you did."

"Did you arrest any bad guys yesterday?"

"Nope—not one."

Alexis nodded. "That's good."

"Alexis, can you grab the loaf of bread and bring it to the table please?"

When Castle interrupted their conversation, Kate turned to see if she could offer any help but saw there was no need; the table was already filled with bowls and plates of reheated leftovers. "Wha…I thought we were having sandwiches. What's all this?"

He smiled as he brought over the final item: a bowl of gravy. He then took the loaf of bread from Alexis and gestured towards one of the empty seats. "Come and sit. And these are leftover sandwiches, so of course you have to have all the leftovers in them."

"I guess…" she said somewhat distantly, marveling at the mashed potatoes and stuffing. Who would put both of those in a sandwich? Who would put one of those in a sandwich!?

"Hope you're hungry Kate," Alexis told her as she climbed up in her chair.

"Well, I did only have coffee and a banana this morning but…I don't know if I'm _this_ hungry," Kate pointed out.

"Choose your own destiny, Kate. Build the sandwich as big or as little as you want," Castle pointed out. "Personally, I'd start with the bread then layer the potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, and turkey in that order. Then you top with a dab or two of gravy, the other slice of bread and voila! Thanksgiving in a sandwich."

Kate merely shook her head at her partner's extreme enthusiasm. When they first began working together, Castle's exuberance towards everything—dead bodies included—had been equally off-putting and confusing. As soon as she found out that both his mother and ex-wife were actresses, however, the puzzle pieces began to slowly fit together. Now, nearly a year into their working relationship, she knew Castle's flair for drama was simply part of his personality.

After watching the father-daughter duo build their own sandwiches, Kate did her best to follow suit, strange as the action was. She spread a thin layer of mashed potatoes over her bread slice as though it was mayonnaise, then added a spoonful of stuffing, which she mushed with the back of a spoon until it was flat. She did the same with the gelled cranberries and then topped the pile with two slices of roast turkey. The only thing she did differently was spoon some gravy on to her plate to use for dipping since she feared putting it atop the turkey might cause a structural collapse of the top layer of bread.

When it was completed, the sandwich looked like an absolute mess. She honestly wasn't even sure how to take her first bite, but once she committed she realized that the Castles were on to something; the sandwich was quite delicious.

"Good right?" Castle mumble in between sizable bites of his overstuffed sandwich.

"Very. And here I thought all you could do with leftovers was heat them up."

He scoffed. "There are infinite numbers of things to do with leftovers, Beckett. Though, personally, I think Thanksgiving leftovers make the best sandwiches. Right, Pumpkin?"

Alexis nodded then scrunched her nose. "That Easter sandwich was weird!"

Kate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping this a Thanksgiving tradition."

Castle nodded. "Agreed. So, does that mean you'll be joining us again next year?"

Having no intentions of planning her meals out that far, Kate merely said, "I guess we'll have to see," before taking another bite of her sandwich.

* * *

After washing up the last of the lunch dishes, Castle wandered into the main sitting area where Kate stood in front of one of his bookshelves, all of which were overflowing with titles. She stood facing away from him, but from the angle of her body he could just barely see the outline of her jaw and lips and the shell of her ear peeking out from beneath her hair, which she'd cropped short at the end of summer and was now just beginning to develop wisps of curls at the ends as it grew out. He watched her for a moment as she seemed rather enthralled by the book titles she read, which he didn't think was possible given that she'd been to his home many times and seen them all before. Still, he liked observing her this way—quiet and unaware.

She turned a second later, breaking the moment, and they shared a soft smile. "You can sit down, you know," he said, gesturing towards the cozy couches two feet away.

She grumbled and placed her hands on her belly. "No, I can't; my stomach might explode."

He chuckled. "Fair enough."

"Actually, I was just looking at these again," she said, pointing to his seven published works. She reached out and stroked her fingers down the spine of _Flowers for Your Grave_ , and then asked, "You think you'll ever write another one?"

Not sure how to answer her question, Castle let out a long exhale and stared at the books, which brought him both pride and frustration.

Ever since he was a child Castle knew he wanted to write for a living—he just knew it. Growing up without a father and with a mother who loved him, but had a career that didn't afford her an excess of time to spend with him. He began writing early on as both a means of expressing himself and working through some of the feelings and struggles he had. Not only was it cathartic, but exciting. He could lose himself in a good story of his own creation, not just one he was reading.

Though he was never the best at school work (mostly due to a lack of effort and concentration than lack of intelligence), he did everything he could to improve his writing and get it to a publishable level. When he thought he'd reached that point during his first year of college, he was faced with and endless stream of rejections from publishers, which, while frustrating, only drove him more aggressively towards self-improvement. Finally, Black Pawn picked up his first novel and gave him a contract for another, which was a completely thrilling prospect.

For six years Castle wrote book after book, each of them hitting the best sellers list. In that time, he'd met Meredith and, though it hadn't been intentional, they had Alexis, and for that brief period of time his life seemed idyllic. Then, Derrick Storm's second adventure was panned by critics and he found himself faced with a crushing amount of writer's block. He took a break from Storm and struggled his way through another independent book, which was published, but equally disliked. Black Pawn suspended his contract until he produced a manuscript they liked, which to that point had not yet happened.

Castle floundered for several months, not sure what to do with his life since he'd failed at writing. Just as he was about to start applying for retail jobs, an old friend and PI contacted him out of the blue to ask a question about a case and the wheels of his brain began turning. A private investigator thrived on observation and research, both of which he was excellent at. So, he'd asked the PI if he could shadow some of his cases and then began branching out on his own and, through sheer luck, become involved with the NYPD.

As for Kate's question, Castle definitely did not want to shut the door on his writing career. He felt it too strongly correlated with his sense of self to do that, but at the same time he hadn't written anything of substance in well over a year. True, he dabbled now and then but the results were more frustrating than anything else. Though he felt the random scenes he crafted were interesting and well-done, fitting them into a larger story seemed nearly impossible in his unfocused mind. Most recently, he'd been writing about a female detective named Nikki Heat, inspired by his NYPD partner. He loved Nikki as a character, but every time he really tried to commit and dig into her story, he found something missing and had yet to put his finger on what.

After being silent far too long, Castle turned to Kate and said, "Maybe. Some day."

"Well, for what it's worth: I hope you do." She walked over and gave his bicep a solid squeeze before drifting towards the entryway and sighing out, "Well I guess I should get going…"

"Really?" he asked as he followed after her. "You don't have to. I mean, don't feel like I'm throwing you out or anything. We could hang out, maybe play a board game…"

"A board game, huh?"

"Yeah." He smiled in return of her upturned lip. "I bet Alexis'll even let you choose which one we play."

"Well…" She hesitated and Castle held his breath.

Almost every time Kate had joined them as of late—which, actually, now that he thought about it, was increasing with frequency, not that he had one complaint about that—he tried to convince her to stay longer. He hoped that she would pick up on his subtly and realize just how much he liked to spend time with her outside of work. Since she generally agreed to stay with him, he suspected she enjoyed their time together, too. She didn't always choose to extend her visits, but that didn't stop him from hoping—and asking.

"I, um, I guess my laundry can wait until later," she said finally.

Trying to hold back his enthusiasm, Castle said, "Well, yeah—who needs clean clothes anyway?"

She let out a breathy laugh. "Right…"

"Let me make sure there aren't any crumbs left on the table and you go get Alexis and pick the game, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

When she walked off towards Alexis's bedroom, Castle clapped his hands together with excitement. An afternoon playing games with Kate and Alexis—what was better than that?


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sitting at her desk that Saturday morning Kate was for once appreciating the near-silence of the precinct. Of course there were plenty of her coworkers on duty, but most seemed to be out and about, which made sense now that the busy holiday season was upon them. Those that were in the office were quietly doing research or typing up reports, leaving Kate to do the same for the moment.

The prior week had been the week after Thanksgiving or, for most Americans, the first week of the Christmas holiday season—aka one of Kate's least favorite weeks of the year. While she hadn't minded Christmas at all as a child—like most youths she looked forward to it with excitement—in the wake of her mother's death so close to the holiday she had all but completely abandoned all yuletide cheer. Unfortunately, merely existing around that time of year made it nearly impossible to not be assaulted with festiveness from every corner of existence: every shop, outside and in, seemingly every television commercial and radio advertisement. Hell, even her coworkers had begun decorating their workstations!

Four weeks. It was only four weeks until it would be over and things would go back to normal. Well, she had to get through the ninth anniversary of her mother's death in early January, but then everything would get back to normal.

Just as Kate was about to reach for her phone to check for any missed messages, a take-away cup of coffee descended into her field of vision and landed just beside her left hand. Her jaw fell open slightly as she recognized the hand holding the cup but was confused as to its presence in her precinct on a Saturday. Spinning her chair to the side, she gazed up at her partner, who wore a dopey grin and cradled a cup identical to the one he'd presented to her.

"Hello."

"Wha…Castle—what are you doing here? Where's Alexis?" she asked. For as long as she had known him, Castle had never worked on a Saturday. He had explained to her many months before that Saturdays were daddy-daughter hangout days, which he did because of the many Saturdays he missed spending with his mother when she was doing both a matinee and evening theatre performance. While she found these sentiments very sweet and certainly admired his dedication, she wondered how such a commitment was possible. He explained in his early PI days that it was a struggle and they did end up settling for half-days together, but he did all that he could to avoid working on a Saturday, which was why his presence was quite surprising.

"I just dropped her off so she could have a playdate with two of her friends from school. Then, I came to check on you."

She let out a breathy laugh and guessed, "Bored already?"

He smiled and plopped down in his unofficial seat next to her desk. "Not at all—actually I'm here to save you from your boredom."

"My boredom?"

"Yes—a Saturday of doing paperwork; how awful." He added with a scrunched nose that made it seem like filling out forms was as unpleasant as sorting through week-old garbage in the middle of August.

Leaning back in her seat, Kate nipped at her bottom lip as she gazed at him with slight disbelief. "You know for someone who has their own business, you certainly have an extreme distaste for paperwork. How do you keep anything organized?"

He puffed out his chest proudly. "My paperwork is perfectly fine, thank you very much. It's simple—streamline. Filling out forms in triplicate, however? The worst."

She laughed at his groan—not that she disagreed. Thankfully, the days of writing out forms until her hand cramped up were more and more in the past. "It's much better now that we're slowly going digital."

"True."

"Well…thanks for the coffee."

He smiled at her when she reached for the cup. "Always."

Kate chuckled and turned back to her computer screen. She wasn't entirely sure how it started, but one day she found Castle bringing her a caffeinated beverage almost every time he showed up at one of her crime scenes. Initially, she was irritated by the act—thinking it was his way of trying to butter her up so she would allow him to stay and participate in the investigation. She always accepted the coffee, of course (like she would ever turn down coffee!), but it annoyed her. The more they worked together, however, she realized it was, in part, his way of buttering her up, but mostly it was a gesture of appreciation, for he knew how lucky he was to be one of the only consultants the NYPD used regularly.

"Well, unfortunately for you, I really do need to—oh." Kate cut herself off when her phone chirped. She looked down at the screen to see a message from dispatch informing her of a body discovered just a few blocks away. Shaking her head at the luck her partner had stumbled upon, she picked up the device and smiled at him. "Well, would you look at that. I just got notification that-"

"YES! A body!" The PI cheered with such enthusiasm that some of the coffee in his take-away cup sloshed out of the drinking hole and landed on the side of his wrist. He licked it off and then hopped to his feet announcing, "I'm ready!"

Shaking her head, she chastised, "Too excited, Castle; someone is dead."

The grin not leaving his face he said, "Sorry. I'll work on my solemn face while we're in the car."

Rolling her eyes, Kate merely reached for her coat and then picked up her coffee before heading to the elevator with her partner practically skipping behind her.

* * *

"Wh-oa! What happened here?" Castle proclaimed when they arrived in the alley to find their female victim with a slashed throat, her body strung up between a fire escape and a dumpster.

The medical examiner on duty, Kate's friend Lanie Parish, gave them both a curious look, which Kate quickly shook off. "Please ignore him; he's too gleeful."

Castle clicked his tongue. "Well excuse me for enjoying the first sunny, above-freezing day we've had in weeks!"

Kate shrugged one shoulder as he wasn't entirely wrong. Winter had hit them full-force in the middle of November, forcing the temperatures at- or below-freezing for days at a time. With that day predicting a high of nearly fifty-degrees it certainly was a refreshing change. In her mind, however, that was not an excuse to be excited about someone's demise.

Lanie eyed him cautiously for another moment before humming out, "Uh huh, well let me tell you about our strung-up friend here."

"Excellent, I—oh, hang on," he said when a jazz tune could be heard. His ring tone, evidently, for a moment later he retrieved his phone from his pocket and pressed it to his ear. "Well hello Mrs. Thompson! How are the girls? What…what do you—god, wait, slow down. What? Fuck—I—I'm on my way."

As she watched her partner's expression morph from gleeful to concerned, Kate felt some worry herself, but when he appeared downright frantic, her heart stuttered in her chest and she questioned, "Castle? What's wrong?"

Wide-eyed with his chest heaving, he looked at her, almost shocked that she was standing there beside him. Then he stammered out, "I…Alexis…hospital…"

"What? Alexis is in the hospital?"

"I have to…" He didn't finish his sentence before sprinting off towards the street. Kate quickly followed after him and found him pacing like a rabid animal along two feet of sidewalk. "Where are the cabs…or subway? Where's the subway?"

Kate caught up to him and placed her hands on each of his biceps to halt him. Using her well-perfected police training, she spoke calmly and evenly to him, even though her heart hammered inside his chest. "Rick. Take a breath. Hey, look at me."

When his frantic eyes finally focused on here, they gazed at each other for fifteen seconds before she felt his body began to tremble as he uttered out, "Alexis is in the hospital; she fell through the ice."

"Wha…Oh—okay." Of course the situation was far from okay, but Kate tried to process it as a cop, not as one of his dear friends. If Castle had received a call from the mother of the girl Alexis was with, that meant that Alexis was already under the care of doctors, so no matter the form of transportation Castle took to wherever his daughter was, it would not affect her progress; she was already being cared for.

"Okay, Rick, just take a deep breath. No, no—look at me," she said when his crazed-eyes darted towards the street. "Just keep looking at me, okay? What hospital is Alexis at?"

"I, um, I…shit! I don't—I don't know! I don't know!"

"Hey—it's okay." She moved her right hand to touch his cheek when she felt him slipping away. "We're going to figure it out, okay? Let me just call dispatch and we'll figure it out."

She reached into her coat pocket for her phone and with one hand still on Rick's bicep to hold him in place, she called into central dispatch, asking about an incident that morning during which a girl fell through ice—presumably in Central Park. After being put on hold for an agonizing forty-five seconds, the dispatcher informed her that yes, there was one such incident, but the call was no longer active as the victim was transported to a hospital.

Kate's stomach flipped when she thought of the sweet, red-headed girls' face in connection with the word "victim." She managed to keep her wits about her, though, and obtained all the necessary information for her partner, who now looked like he was about to explode.

Putting the phone away, Kate said, "Okay, she's at Lenox Hill and I'm going to have one of these uniformed officers take you right there, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed as he wrung his hands together and went back to pacing while she flagged down one of the uniforms keeping the scene clear of pedestrians. She flashed her badge and explained the situation then jogged back to drag Castle to the waiting squad car. She opened the front passenger door for him but caught his sleeve before he could duck inside.

The tightness in his jaw and stress-wrinkles across his brow made her chest ache, but she tried her best to give him a believable smile. "It's okay, Castle; you'll be with Alexis soon, and I'll come by to see you later, okay."

"Okay." He echoed distantly. He then stepped one foot into the car, but before he sat down he looked at her pleadingly and rasped out, "Kate."

She didn't need any more words to understand his meaning. He was terrified that the most important person in his life was not only in a hospital, but potentially gravely injured. Though she hoped for the best, Kate imagined that Castle was presently thinking of worst-case-scenarios, and she could not say she would have done differently were their positions reversed. Knowing there was nothing she could say to ease his agony, she merely stroked her thumb across his cheek and whispered, "I know. I'll see you later."

With that, she stepped back onto the sidewalk and watched as the squad car turned on its flashing lights and pulled out into traffic.

* * *

Richard Castle raced into the emergency room of Lenox Hill Hospital as though he was completing the last ten yards of the hundred meter dash in the Olympic finals. His shoes skidded on the polished floor as he frantically searched around for the registration desk or anyone who looked like they were in charge. He needed to see his daughter—and he needed to see her as soon as humanly possible.

God, Alexis. How had this happened? How had she fallen though ice? Why was she even on ice?

His writer's brain had spun dozens of different scenarios on the ten-minute drive to the hospital. He couldn't fathom which if any of them had been correct, but for perhaps one of the only times in his life the answers to his questions could wait—at least until he saw her and confirmed that she was going to be okay.

His heart thundering beneath his ribs, Castle spun around on the spot again until he spotted the registration area, which in his maddened state he hadn't seen despite it being almost directly in front of him the whole time. Thankfully there wasn't a line—not that it would have mattered; he would have shoved his way up to the counter anyway.

"My daughter—she—where is she?" he blasted out before the desk attendant had even acknowledged his presence.

"Sir-"

"I need to see her! I need—I need to make sure-"

"Sir," the woman repeated an edge of impatience in her voice. "Sir, you need to calm down, and then tell me-"

"Ice! She fell through ice!"

Still appearing patient, the woman nodded and said. "Just one moment while I look at our intake records."

"Hurry! Please!" He implored her before bringing up his hands to cover his mouth. Only then did he realize how badly they were shaking. How he hadn't had a heart attack or vomited yet since first receiving Mrs. Thompson's terrible phone call he wasn't sure; he must have only been running on pure adrenaline.

When the hospital employee had been quiet far longer than Castle wished (which, in reality, was only about thirty or forty seconds), he began rattling off, "Her name is Alexis. She's seven and I…I need to…"

"Mr. Castle?"

Hearing his name from behind, he whipped around to come face to face with Mrs. Thompson and her daughter, Liz. While this should have been a relief—finding the two people in the hospital perhaps best qualified to tell him what had happened—seeing the agony etched on their faces only fueled the horror he felt within his chest. The elder woman had her hands firmly resting atop her daughter's shoulders, her face contorted with uncertainty. The dark haired little girl had a puffy face splotched with red marks; a clear indicator that she had been heavily crying.

Despite the fact that their expressions caused him to falter initially, Castle quickly recovered and asked of them. "Have you seen Alexis? Where is she? What—god—what!?" He demanded as Mrs. Thompson shook her head and tears formed in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Castle."

Castle felt his stomach lurch up into his throat, for her words—the way she spoke—it was all so reminiscent of the dozens of crime scenes he'd visited. It was the "I'm sorry this tragedy" occurred apology; the one he'd never expected to hear in relation to a member of his own family. _Dead; she's dead_ , his brain began to tell him, but he pushed such thoughts away and rasped out, "What happened?"

"The girls were playing on the bridge and Alexis fell off."

"What bridge? In Central Park? But why—why would she do that? Alexis knows better than to-"

"It's my fault," Liz croaked out, tears continuing to streak down her cheeks. "I dared her—I dared her to get on top and she slipped."

"God," Castle croaked out, his last shreds of hope that he had somehow misheard or misunderstood Mrs. Thompson's phone call evaporated with the knowledge that it was all true. Alexis had been on top of a pedestrian bridge, slipped off, and landed in what must have been barely-frozen water.

"She was in the water for a few minutes. Some bystanders helped us, but by the time they got her out…" Mrs. Thompson's voice drifted off and Castle wasn't sure if that was to save himself from hearing the details of his daughter's injury, or because she couldn't bring herself to repeat them.

"I…I don't—does that mean—"

"Sir?"

Castle spun around again and, upon realizing a hospital employee was trying to get his attention, he abandoned the Thompsons and rushed forward demanding, "Where is she? Where's Alexis?"

The woman dressed in pink scrubs—presumably a nurse—held up her right hand in a futile attempt to calm the near-frantic man. "Sir, I'm going to take you up to the ICU and they'll brief you up there."

"ICU?" he repeated, feeling a fresh onslaught of horror flood into his veins.

The woman merely nodded and gestured for him to follow her toward a bank of elevators. When she pressed the button that would take them to a higher floor, she turned and asked, "Have you already called your wife?"

"Wha…I…I'm not married," he said a bit dumbly, holding up his ring-free left hand.

Again, she nodded and said, "This way, sir."

Castle stood beside her during the two-floor acent, feeling his stomach twist more and more with every foot the car ascended. The nurse then directed him towards the wing labeled ICU, but he was stopped by another nurse—that one wearing polka dotted scrubs—before he could charge the entrance. "Please—my daughter! I need to see my daughter!" He begged, but the woman calmly guided him towards a nurses' station where a woman in a white doctor's coat waited. He once again issued his plea to her.

"Sir, I'm Doctor Hendricks, the attending physician here today. Your name is?"

"Richard Castle. Please I need to-"

She cut him off by holding up her hand. "I know you want to see your daughter, and I will take you to see her in a moment, but first I would like to brief you on her condition."

Feeling his kneecaps begin to tremble at how dramatically drawn out their conversation was becoming, he bobbed his head once.

"When Alexis arrived here, the EMTs told us they believed that she was under the water for several minutes before being pulled out by bystanders, who then began performing CPR. The EMT's were able to get her heart beating again, but right now she's not breathing on her own, so she has a tube that's helping deliver oxygen to her lungs."

Castle took a half step as his worst nightmares were coming to life. "But I…I don't…is she going to be okay?"

The doctor gave him a soft smile. "We're optimistic, but at this point it's too soon to tell. The next twenty-four hours will be critical."

"My god…" Castle sighed out and reached for the counter at the nurses' station, not sure he would be able to remain standing for much longer. "How…how could this happen? I don't…I…"

"Sir, do you have any relatives you can call? Perhaps Alexis's mother?"

Jesus. Meredith. He'd have to tell Meredith. While in a reverse situation he would have wanted to be told immediately, he couldn't call Meredith just then. He was having enough trouble processing without her shrieking in his ear. "No. She's…she's not… please—can I see her. I need to see my daughter."

The doctor nodded. "Please come with me. Just so you know, in addition to the breathing tube, we still have some warming blankets on her."

He followed the white-coat-wearing woman into the ICU and stopped when he caught sight of the burst of orange hair at the top of the second bed from the door. Tears immediately stung his eyes and he felt rooted in the spot. God, oh god—his little girl. He could barely see anything more than her forehead and eyes thanks to the breathing tubes, but she looked so very small—hardly taking up more than a fraction of the bed she'd been placed in the center of.

"Oh my god," he sniffled out. "Look at her; she's so small…"

"There weren't any pediatric beds available when she came in and we won't move her until she's stable. Are…are you sure there isn't anyone you can call?"

Inside his mind, the first person he thought of was Kate. She was barely a few blocks away, most likely the closest person he considered a dear friend and family—at least, in a physical sense, but she'd just been handed a murder case. She would be busy and he couldn't take her from her work. Thinking past the kind face he wished to see in that moment, he thought of the other red-head in his life.

"Ah…my mother. She's…she's traveling for work but, but I can call and see…"

The doctor nodded kindly. "Okay, well you can use the chair there, and we'll have a nurse update you in a few hours, okay?"

"Okay…" He was vaguely aware of the doctor walking away, but his eyes were trained on Alexis's face and how pale she seemed. Being mindful of the wires and machines, he tip-toed up to her side as best he could in the tight space, arched his torso over the bed, and pressed his lips to her head. "I'm here, sweetheart. Daddy's here," he whispered to her. "I'm here, and I'm not going to leave you—not until you wake up."


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Shortly before six that evening, Kate stepped onto the Intensive Care floor at Lenox Hill, her stomach churning with uncertainty. When her partner had left her side eight hours earlier, she'd barely been able to concentrate on what was necessary at the crime scene since her heart and much of her focus had left along with her partner. With what little knowledge she had she couldn't tell how serious the situation really was, but from the frantic look on his face—and simply hearing that Alexis had fallen through ice—she knew the day would, at best, be a stressful one.

When three hours passed and she had not yet heard from him, Kate's worry amplified. She didn't want to bother him if he was trying to focus on Alexis, but also wanted an update as both a cop and his friend. The more she thought about it, she decided that if the incident had simply blown out of proportion, he probably would have texted her by then to tell her that…wouldn't he? Or, would he have simply taken Alexis home to rest and forgotten to message her? Were that the case, she would have easily understood, but the not knowing was driving her crazy.

Finally, she texted him in the middle of the afternoon to ask if everything was okay. For the next twenty-five minutes she checked her phone approximately every forty-five seconds until his reply finally came through. _Alexis is in the ICU not breathing on her own_.

Kate read the message through twice thinking she had misunderstood despite its simplicity. Surely he meant that she _was_ breathing on her own, but…no, that wasn't possible with what he typed. When the reality of the grave situation hit her, Kate covered her mouth with her left hand and merely stared down at the phone as thought it was a Magic 8 Ball that had just delivered her a terrible fate.

Alexis—sweet, spunky, always-cheerful Alexis—was fighting for her life after what surely was a freak accident. That news in of itself was difficult for her to process, but it also meant that her partner and friend was suffering as well. As she was not a parent, Kate could not begin to imagine the pain and terror that Castle must have been facing at that moment, but since she had lost her own mother at a young age, she felt she could very closely empathize with what he was going through.

Though she had sat the better part of ten minutes in shock, Kate quickly responded to his message saying she'd stop by as soon as she could. She did her best to focus on her work—typing up the notes she'd written out and summarizing all that had been done to date. Then, she messaged both her superior, Captain Montgomery, and her fellow teammates, Detectives Ryan and Esposito. She explained that Castle's daughter was in the ICU after an accident and that she wished Ryan and Esposito to take the lead on the murder case, despite them being off duty that day. As she was in very high standing with her captain and had never passed off a case before, she didn't think there would be a problem. Further to the point: they all knew Castle and would surely sympathize with his situation.

Thanks to her work obligations and evening commute traffic, Kate hadn't been able to get to Lenox Hill any sooner, but now that she was there, she intended to stay as long as her partner needed her. She knew that his mother was doing a traveling play and that his ex-wife was in California, so the last thing she wanted was for him to be alone on one of the worst days of his life.

Hands in her coat pockets, Kate approached the entry to the ICU only to be stopped by a friendly nurse telling her that visiting hours were over unless she was an immediate family member. Though she knew using her badge for such an unofficial purpose was technically against regs, Kate was determined to see her partner, no matter the costs.

She parted her coat to reveal the badge on her hip and said, "I'm sorry, but my partner is in there with his daughter; I just want to wait with him until more of his family arrives."

Though she looked uncertain, the nurse said, "Okay…but I'll need you to sign in, Detective."

"Of course," Kate replied pleasantly.

After filling out the necessary page, Kate walked into the bustling ICU. She didn't want to disturb any of the other patients or the nurses doing their work, but with so many of the curtains pulled, it was difficult for her to find the patient she desired without being too disruptive. When she peeked into the divided curtain of one of the beds, Kate was startled by the scene she discovered. The girl in the bed was so buried under blankets and tubes she never would have recognized her. The man seated beside her, his large frame almost looking small in its hunched state, was also difficult to recognize, but after nearly a full year of partnership, she could recognize the shape of his face easily.

Parting the curtain with her fingers, Kate stepped forward and for the first time caught a head-on view of Alexis. Instantly, she felt as though she'd been punched in the gut. Seeing an adult hooked up to machines and tubes would have been shocking enough, but on Alexis it was deeply upsetting. Further adding to the churning of her gut was the gutted expression on her partner's face. She imagined he hadn't moved very much in the prior eight hours, thinking only of his daughter and not of himself. God, how horrific.

"Castle." She tried to speak as softly as possible, not wanting to startle him, but he jumped anyway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Kate." He breathed out her name like an answered prayer. He released Alexis's hand from his grasp and stood from his seat, then he stared at her for only another fifteen seconds before his face began to crumple with emotion. "I…I don't…she…"

"Hey, it's okay; c'mere." Kate stepped around the edge of the bed until she stood beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He fell against her instantly, banding his arms around her waist in an almost crushingly-tight embrace, but she didn't mind one bit. His chin came to rest at the top of her shoulder and she heard him sniffling right beside her ear.

"I don't know what to do," he sobbed out after thirty seconds of their embrace and Kate felt her heart throb at the emotion in his voice; she had never seen him so distraught.

Bringing her right hand up to feather through the hair at the nape of his neck she sighed out, "I know; I know."

His arms squeezed her a little tighter. "Alexis…she…"

"I know." Kate sniffed back a few of her own tears as she continued to cradle her partner's body against his. While on duty, she considered herself well skilled at compartmentalizing her emotions. True, some cases were harder than others, but after three years as a detective she was quite good at separating her feelings from the facts of the cases, meaning she rarely if ever broke down. But this wasn't a case; this wasn't a crime scene she was working. Castle was her friend and he was facing far more pain than he deserved, and that broke her heart.

While they had almost never hugged before—certainly not for that duration—Kate allowed Castle to be the one to break their embrace. He wiped his fingers under the base of his nose and gave her an appreciative nod. She reached out to stroke her hand down his arm. Gazing over at the pale girl she asked, "What's the latest update you got on her condition?"

"They're, ah, they're keeping her in a medically induced coma for twenty-four hours to help her body heal. They said…they said that young children can absolutely recover one hundred percent from this sort of thing, but there are so many unknowns, like how long she was underwater without oxygen and what…what kind of brain damage there might be…"

"God…" She breathed at the notion of brain damage. The thought was simply too horrible to process. Giving his arm a squeeze, she said, "I am so sorry, Rick. Can I do anything? Did you get a hold of your mother?"

He nodded. "Yes. She's leaving tonight after the show. She should be here by morning. And Meredith…I left her a message I don't…she hasn't called back…"

"What about you? Have you eaten?"

He shook his head and flopped down in the chair. Picking up Alexis's hand once more he said, "No; I can't."

"You need to—keep up your strength. Let me get you something."

"I'm fine."

"Rick!" she insisted in response to his stubbornness.

He turned his head with a softened expression. "Just…a sandwich maybe. Not a lot. And coffee."

She nodded. "Of course; I'll be back soon."

Before she could turn away, she felt his hand on hers and gazed down, half expecting him to make an additional food request, but instead his gaze turned intense, but appreciative. "Thank you for coming."

She simply smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "Of course. Where else would I be when my partner needed me?" In her mind, there was no question. She would not leave him alone until his mother or ex-wife arrived. He needed someone there with him to make sure he was eating and drinking. To force him to take a break—and stay with Alexis so he didn't feel too guilty about leaving her. To simply make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

* * *

Castle woke up, tried to move, and was suddenly aware of an excruciating pain in his neck. He groaned, moved his head, and tried to open his eyes and focus on his surroundings. He was definitely in his apartment; he recognized the position of the TV in front of the couch and the distant hum of the refrigerator. Blinking his eyes a few times, he tried to focus more and took note that the television was on, playing some random commercial, but the volume had been muted. He'd fallen asleep in front of the TV, he concluded; certainly wasn't the first time.

As he had no idea what time it was, Castle went to stand up, but only then did he realize he wasn't alone. Two sock-covered feet were braced against his thigh, but he immediately knew they were far too large to belong to his daughter. Moving his head a few inches he groaned at the discomfort, but then saw his partner, Kate, asleep with her head resting on one of his throw pillows.

Why was he sleeping on the couch with Kate? For a moment, he thought he was having a very strange though very real-seeming dream, but then, when he looked towards the television and saw a commercial for a local medical practice playing, it all came screaming back to him. Alexis—Alexis was in the ICU. Alexis was in the ICU on a breathing tube.

 _Alexis_!

"Shit!" He cursed when he bounded off the couch, half tripping over his own feet. He began frantically searching for his cell phone while simultaneously cursing himself for falling asleep. What if the hospital tried to call him? What if Alexis's condition had changed? What if he wasn't able to make it back to the hospital in time? God—it was bad enough he'd had to leave at all!

Hours earlier, he and Kate had barely finished eating their dinner at Alexis's bedside when a nurse came around and warned them that vising hours would be over in less than thirty minutes. He had immediately become frantic and, admittedly, slightly out of control. Thankfully, Kate had been there to talk him down before hospital security needed to be called. He begged and pleaded with every nurse or other staff member that would listen to him, but the ICU had a strict policy: no visitors after eight p.m. The nurse manager on duty was kind and sympathetic despite Castle's indignation. She explained that they would call him immediately if there was any change in his daughter's condition, but otherwise he wasn't welcome back until seven a.m. the next morning.

Though he tried to argue for another twenty minutes, Kate ultimately dragged him away and forced him into a cab when he voiced his intentions to spend the night in the ER waiting room just so he could be close by. When they arrived at his apartment, he half-expected her to just drop him off and go, but she didn't. She took off her coat and shoes and told him to sit while she made them both tea. While she watched some TV and ultimately fell asleep, he pulled out his laptops and began looking for all the documentation he could find on children under ten going into frozen bodies of water. Apparently, at some point he had fallen asleep as well.

After checking his pockets again, Castle began frantically digging through the couch cushions and tossing pillows in the search for his cell phone. His aggressive actions who grumbled and stirred with, "Wha…what's going on?"

"My phone—I can't find my phone!" He practically yelled as he pulled out the cushion he'd been sitting on and skimmed his hands on the base of the sofa only to find crumbs and no cell phone. "What if the hospital called and I-"

"Hey." Her soft hand on his arm halted his progress and he turned to look at her in the dim, blue light of the room. "It's okay," she continued. "We didn't hear it ring, right?"

"But what if…what if it wasn't loud enough? What if the battery died!?"

"Well we'll find it okay? Where…where's the… oh, here." A moment later the room was bathed in bright light when Kate found a lamp and turned it on. They blinked at each other for several seconds as their eyes adjusted and then their search resumed. It only took Castle two minutes to find his phone on the floor beside the edge of the couch.

"Oh! Here! I…oh." His voice fell flat when he discovered the phone was, in fact, still on, but with a very low battery—and no missed calls. Huffing out a breath, he walked over to grab his charger on the nearby desk and plugged the phone into it.

"No missed calls?"

"No."

"What time is it?"

"It's, ah," he shielded a yawn with the back of his hand before saying, "Quarter to five."

Kate nodded and sat back down on the couch. "And your mother's flight lands at six, right?"

"Six-fifteen, yeah." He stared at her for a few moments, collecting his thoughts, before he began gesturing towards the opposite side of the room where a hall led to the two bedrooms and bathroom. "You…you should, um, sleep for as long as you can before your shift. Go—go ahead and take my bed."

She made a disbelieving sound. "I'm not going to take your bed, Rick—not when you should be sleeping."

"Nah, I can't…I'm up now." Particularly after his heart-pounding search for the lost cell phone. "I'm just, ah….yeah I'm just going to go back to my research." Spotting his laptop on the coffee table, Castle scooped it up, threw his sofa cushion back into place, and then sat down, balancing the computer on his knees.

The computer was just coming back to life and displaying the last website's he'd left open when he felt Kate's hand land on his shoulder. "Castle. You'll drive yourself crazy with that stuff."

"I'm already there, Beckett," he said with the sideways quirk of his lips. Leaning back against the sofa, he skimmed his hand over the light stubble on his jaw. "I just keep thinking…what if she doesn't wake up… what if she wakes up and isn't the same… I just… what's worse?"

He honestly, truly, could not bring his brain to develop a pros and cons list on those two situations. His gut told him that having his daughter back in any capacity was better than having her at all, but then he wondered what his life might be like if his daughter was no longer kind, spunky, and sweet. What if the accident caused some sort of Jekyll-and-Hyde like transformation and Alexis and she turned out to be the opposite of her former self? Would such a scenario be too frustrating and painful to bear, however unlikely? He genuinely wasn't sure.

Countering his dark thought, Kate said, "What if she wakes up and she's fine?"

He merely shook his head and turned back towards the computer screen. "I was a mystery writer, Beckett; my brain doesn't think that way."

"Yes, it does. You're always Mister Positivity."

Purposefully ignoring what was a generally true statement, he merely went back to his Google searches and began tapping his fingers against the keyboard. "I spent hours last night reading articles and blogs about children falling into frozen lakes, rivers, swimming pools… in almost every once of these instances the children recover fully with, at worst, large memory gaps, but they don't seem to have physical or mental issues—unless they somehow suffered injuries as part of their accident."

"That's good news," Kate reminded him.

"It should be, but… You know, some of these parents reported personality changes in their kids if they were under water for a really long time and had oxygen deprivation and…and we don't know exactly how long Alexis was under water and…and…" His voice rifted off when Kate's right hand closed around his bicep. She scooted closer to him and slid her left hand underneath his arm and linked her fingers together so she hugged his arm with the palms of her hands.

Her gentle touch calmed him slightly, but not by much. His brain still spun with worst-case scenarios. "I just keep thinking…she wasn't breathing on her own and…you just have no idea how terrifying this is as a parent…especially when I can't be there with her."

"You can go back in two hours."

"I know, but…"

After a few seconds of silence, Kate asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

He shook her head. Though he felt stressed and too on-edge to think of much other than his daughter, he did appreciate her loyalty and kindness far more than he could express in that moment. "You've done more than enough. You didn't…you didn't have to say with me like this…"

"Yes, I did," she said simply. Then, she leaned her cheek against the edge of his shoulder and brushed her thumbs over the edges of his t-shirt at even intervals.

Castle said nothing. He simply turned back to his computer and continued his research, but unlike the night before, the weight on his chest felt a little less heavy with Kate by his side.

* * *

A/N: thank you so much for all your reviews


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Just after one p.m. Kate strolled into the hospital and walked directly towards the bank of elevators, badge clearly displayed on her hip to avoid any questions about her presence. She was technically on her lunch break and decided to use that time to check up on Alexis at the hospital. After all, she had been thinking about the girl practically from the moment she left Castle's apartment at six-thirty that morning.

After half-dozing beside her partner for over an hour, Kate finally decided to get up so she could get back to her place in time to change before her shift. Before she left, she made Castle promise to update her on Alexis's condition as soon as he knew and he agreed. As she walked down to the street, she did so with a very heavy heart, as she had never seen her partner so distraught. Rightfully so, of course; she imagined she would have been similarly inconsolable if their positions were reversed. Still, she hoped for good news—for everyone's sake

Kate sat at her desk anxiously for nearly an hour before she finally received a text message from Castle that contained two simple words: _no change_. She sent her apologies and asked him to update her if anything did change, but then went about her morning. She argued whether or not to visit him on her break, not wanting to intrude, but then the mental image of his absolutely broken expression from the wee hours of that morning crossed into her mind and she knew she had to see him, even if it was just for five minutes; she needed him to know that, as his partner, she was there for him—no questions asked.

The moment the elevator doors opened on the third floor, Kate could immediately tell something was amiss. A cluster of people stood just a few feet away in the middle of the hallway. They faced towards the nurses' station, all of them watching transfixed as though a television was playing something confusing or horrifying, though she could hardly imagine a tv had been wheeled to the nurses station; that made almost no sense! She took two steps into the hall and heard a female voice shrieking and that's when she realized the onlookers were watching a scene of sorts; a horror movie was being acted out live in the hallway outside the ICU.

"…this is your fault—everything is your fucking fault!"

Kate watched as a frantic red-headed woman stabbed Castle in the center of the chest with her well-manicured right index finger. Then, evidently to add emphasis, she closed her right fist and wacked him on the collar bone with it. Her partner didn't even wince; his stoic expression remained, though he did take half a step away from her, so Kate knew the punch hadn't been that hard, but she also needed to intervene before the situation escalated.

Rushing towards them with hands held up, palms out in a defensive manner, she said, "Whoa, hey, what's going on here?"

The woman whipped in her direction and Kate immediately recognized her as Meredith, Castle's fiery—and adulteress—ex-wife and Alexis's mother. Kate had never before met the woman and only recognized her from the one photo that remained of her and Alexis in the Castle apartment. She had, however, heard countless tales of Meredith antics and thus was immediately on high alert knowing the situation could grow cataclysmic at any moment.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Kate Beckett and-"

"Oh—another one of your whores huh?" Meredith spat towards her ex-husband, instantly ignoring that Kate was merely a foot away from her. "Was she the one you were fucking while our daughter was drowning?"

Castle curled his lips. "Seriously? That's rich coming from you!"

"Well at least I was with classy people not some-"

"Ma'am," Kate jumped in, sensing a complete thrashing of her character was about to occur, "before you say another word, you should know I'm with the NYPD a-"

"The police? Perfect!" A sneer crossed Meredith's face as she jabbed her finger in Castle's direction once more. "You need to arrest this man!"

Caught completely off-guard by a statement she never would have anticipated, Kate stammered, "I…what?"

"Arrest him. For child abuse."

Castle threw both his hands up in the air and turned away from them, muttering, "Jesus Christ, Meredith."

"You let our daughter drown—if that isn't child abuse, I don't know what the hell is!" the red-head proclaimed.

"What? No. He didn't; he wasn't there."

Meredith blinked in Kate's direction. "What?"

Taking a confident step forward, Kate planted her right hand at her hip and tapped her index finger against the badge clipped there. "I'm Detective Kate Beckett, Rick's partner at the NYPD. I was with him when Alexis fell into the lake."

She clicked her tongue in a disgusted manner. "You mean when he abandoned her to go play his PI games or whatever the fuck-"

"Ma'am! Please!" One of the nurses from the nearby station interrupted in a flustered tone. "You need to stop shouting and cursing! This is the ICU and-"

"I'll shout if I want to!" Meredith threw her arms up over her head and spun around in a circle before jumping once and thrashing her arms in Castle's direction. "My daughter is dying! Dying because of him. Because it's his fault!"

"Meredith if-" Castle began, but his attempt was futile since Meredith lunged in his direction.

Knowing she had to step in, Kate hopped in between them with her hands up in front of her. "Whoa, enough. Enough." She stared Meredith down as she spoke in a calm, steady voice. "Walk away or I'll be taking you away in handcuffs."

Meredith hissed, "Bitch," just loud enough for Kate to here before spinning on her heel and stalking off down the hall.

"Yeah that sounds about right," she sighed to herself before turning around to see the PI raking his hands back through his hair so aggressively she feared he might tear some of it out. Trying to keep her voice light she said, "So… that was Meredith."

A sheepish look crossed his face. "Yeah. I'm so sorry, Beckett. She-"

"Don't worry about it." She brushed off her concern with ease. Truthfully, Meredith hadn't even come close to ruffling her feathers. "I deal with victim's families all the time, remember? How are you?"

A mirthless laugh escaped his lips. "Um…been better."

Watching him go back to raking his hands through his hair, she offered softly, "What can I do? Do you want a coffee?"

"No, no more caffeine. I'm shaking enough."

"A tea then? Just something warm to sip."

He hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. "Ah…okay. Thanks."

She waited until he'd disappeared back into the doors of the closed-off ICU area before walking towards the nurses station and asking for the closest place to get hot tea. She was directed towards an alcove down the hall where, unfortunately, Meredith sat on the floor, her back against the wall. Kate decided the best course of action was to ignore her, but as she searched for lids to go on the paper cups, she heard the woman say, "You're going to arrest me, then?"

Kate's gaze briefly flicked in her direction. "No, I'm just getting a drink."

After discovering the only tea option available was Earl Grey, she dropped a packet into the paper cup then filled it with hot water from the coffee dispenser. She was about to walk away when she paused and, despite knowing that it probably would not help the situation any, she decided she couldn't leave without defending her partner.

"I know it's none of my business, but Rick's a complete wreck over this too, you know."

Meredith's expression was more exhausted than anything else when she next gazed up at Kate. "He should have been watching her."

"She was with friends."

"It's still his fault if she doesn't wake up."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Kate merely turned and walked back towards the ICU; clearly, there was no arguing with her.

* * *

Standing at the end of his daughter's hospital bed, Castle continued the routine he'd perfected over the prior twenty-four hours. He'd watch the monitor to the left of her bed for thirty seconds, verifying her steady heartbeat and blood pressure. Then, he'd turn to the monitor on the right of her bed. Despite some research, he wasn't entirely sure what it was for, though he continued to monitor its consistency, which he felt was important. Finally, he would gaze at his daughter's face for a minute before repeating the process. Her color looked better today, which he knew was a good sign, but with her still hooked up to the breathing machine it was difficult to become too excited.

After picking up his mother at the airport, they went to the hospital together to arrive just in time to be let into the ICU. His mother, to her credit, kept the majority of her eccentricities in tact and merely expressed how sorry she was that the whole situation was happening. As much as he complained about her crazy-at-times presence in his life, Castle found himself greatly relieved with her by his side. Of course, having Kate with him the night before had been nice, too, but then his relief had been mixed with guilt that she felt more obligated to be there because of their partnership and not because she actually believed them to be family.

When a doctor visited them during morning rounds and explained all the positive things he found in Alexis's stats and how they would be proceeding with her care, Castle actually felt his spirits lift. The despair of earlier that morning had faded slightly in the reflection of the doctor's upbeat attitude. His mother too pointed out several news stories she'd heard over the years of children surviving similar incidences with almost no ill-effects, which of course he had read about, but hearing it from someone else did help him believe it. In fact, the next two hours were filled with swapping fun stories about Alexis and more smiles than not. Then, Meredith had blown in like a hurricane to dampen all their moods.

The prior day, Castle had made two attempts to reach his ex-wife on the phone before being forced to leave a message explaining their daughter's condition. This didn't really surprise him as Meredith generally took days to respond to his text messages to set up a phone call between her and their daughter, but he was surprised that she didn't call him back promptly after the message. The later the day went on, he actually grew quite annoyed with her, wondering if her caring about their daughter had really disintegrated to the point where she didn't even care that the girl was in the hospital. He was just bordering on really mad about the situation when the ICU nurse informed him that visiting hours were nearly over, which had sent him down a different rabbit hole and thus he hadn't really thought about Meredith until earlier that morning, when of course it was too early to call her with the three-hour time zone delay.

As it turned out, Meredith had booked herself on a red-eye from LA to New York the moment she received his message. (Though of course she hadn't actually called him to inform him of this—that would have made too much sense!) Thus, he was completely blind sighted when she blew into the ICU sobbing with far too much vigor than was strictly necessary. While she had initially calmed down to gain the facts of Alexis's condition, her mood was erratic at best.

The more they talked, Meredith admitted that she had already checked into her hotel and left her bags there before coming to the hospital to check on Alexis—before even calling for an update on her condition. Though he knew he should have let it go, in the moment he simply could not, and Castle began arguing with her. Somewhere in there his mother excused herself to get them all something to eat, but he and Meredith continued to snip at each other until Kate arrived and witnessed their largest fight of the morning. Though in hindsight he was slightly embarrassed that it had escalated to that level, he was grateful Kate showed up when it did so the situation didn't get any worse.

Once again having impeccable timing, she walked into the ICU and handed him the paper cup of tea.

"Thanks." He smiled gratefully at her and she nodded.

"Of course. What's the latest on Alexis?"

"They're going to start weaning her off the sedation medication soon and so hopefully she'll wake up sometime this evening. When the doctor came through he said her brain function looks good and her lungs seems stronger."

"That's great news!"

"Yeah…I'm hoping," he said, still not allowing himself to be overly hopeful.

Kate reached out and gave his arm a solid squeeze. "It _is_ great news. Can I get you something else? Food?"

He shook off her kind offer with a gentle smile. "Mother just ran out to get something. She didn't want to be in the same room as Meredith for too long."

Kate grunted. "Can't say I blame her."

A grimace briefly crossed his face. He could only imagine what Kate's impression of his ex-wife—and their relationship—after witnessing that interaction. He had, of course, told her stories, so she could not have been caught totally off-guard, but witnessing one of Meredith's performances in person really must have been eye-opening. "I wish I could say she was different when we were married…but she wasn't. Ah…sorry," he quickly added when an unreadable expression crossed her face, "you probably don't want to hear about this."

"It's okay; I don't mind."

Despite her verbal encouragement, he still gazed at her for another thirty seconds before rounding his shoulders and continuing. "It's just… I was barely out of college when we met. She was spunky and fun and…yeah, definitely had a crazy element but it didn't seem that crazy. Guess I had some rose-colored glasses on, but…but it also—this sounds terrible but—it was never supposed to be something long-term. At least, I never thought of it that way, but…"

"She got pregnant?" Kate guessed.

He nodded. "Yeah. And we…I mean. It was good for a little while. We were happy. I was happy with Alexis, but Meredith…well, let's just say I very much doubt she'll have any more children," he commented as his ex never had been particularly interested in being Mother of the Year. "Anyway, I don't think I realized just how crazy she could be until the last year of our marriage…and through our divorce, but now…"

Kate brushed off his concerns with a simple shrug. "She just upset. I've seen all kinds of intense reactions from victim's families."

A grumble escaped his lips. "I wish that was the case." Considering all he had witnessed during their marriage, he knew "dramatic" was simply Meredith's default setting.

Kate considered for a moment before suggesting, "I can arrest her if you want."

A genuine laugh escaped his lips. "As fun as that might be to watch, that won't make it better and…she should be here. Just in case." He added with a cautious glance towards Alexis.

They stood in silence for several minutes before Kate touched his arm and said, "I should be getting back to the Twelfth. You call me if anything changes, okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, absolutely. And Kate? Thanks again," he said with genuine appreciation for all that she had done.

She brushed her fingers down his forearm until they could slip into his palm and she gave his hand a squeeze while saying, "Always."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Castle stood just outside the ICU, jacket draped over his arm, a plastic bag of his daughter's belongings in his hands, and a grin on his face. His attitude was completely different than it had been twenty-four hours earlier. He was practically gleeful as he waited for Alexis to be moved from the ICU to her own room on the pediatric floor; it was absolutely the miracle he'd been too afraid to hope for but filled him with more relief than he thought possible.

The prior evening, as Alexis was weaned off the medication keeping her asleep, Castle stood loyally by the foot of her bed, hating to leave even for the few minutes it took him to use the bathroom. He'd sent his mother home as she looked more than a little exhausted after being up for nearly two days straight and barely sleeping on her plane ride to New York. Meredith had been floating in and out for most of the day, but he mostly ignored her, which he thought to be best after their blow-up at mid-day.

Around seven p.m. Rick was overjoyed to see Alexis's fingers and eyelids begin to twitch. She was also successfully removed from the breathing tube. Though she wasn't conscious yet, she was definitely on her way to waking up, which presented a problem for him since visiting hours were nearly over. After informing the nurse manager that he would be camping out in the ER for the night since he absolutely refused to not be there when his daughter awoke, they agreed to let him stay in the ICU as Alexis slowly regained consciousness.

Operating on pure adrenaline (and some coffee) Castle studied his daughter for hours, watching every movement, every twitch, until finally she opened her eyes. She was confused and unable to focus, which terrified him for several moments until she looked at him and whispered, "Daddy, where am I?" and Castle immediately began to weep as he smothered her face in kisses.

The hospital staff shooed him away temporarily while they checked Alexis's vitals and asked her some questions to check her cognitive function. He used that opportunity to call his mother, who sounded greatly relieved, Meredith, who didn't answer, and then Kate, who sounded very groggy. It was only then Castle thought to check the time and realized it was just before three a.m. He apologized to Kate for waking her, but she assured him it was fine and sounded genuinely relieved to hear Alexis was awake. She also promised to visit later that day.

After letting Kate get back to sleep, Castle paced the halls until he was once again allowed to see Alexis. The doctor told him that her cognitive assessment was positive, though she was still confused on some things, which was to be expected. As they were going to take her for a brain scan, the nurses suggested Castle take that opportunity to go home, shower, and change, as the test would take over an hour and he would not be allowed to join her. He hesitated, but ultimately agreed knowing the wouldn't want to take that time away from spending with Alexis when she was able to speak with him.

By the time he returned to her bedside, she'd fallen back asleep, but then awoken at seven and said she was hungry, so he helped her eat some lime gelatin, which was all she was allowed at first. Shortly thereafter they found out that she would be moved to her own room in the pediatric area, which he saw as an even better sign. She truly was on the road to recovery if they were removing her from the ICU.

Ten minutes after he left her side, Alexis was wheeled out into the hall and Castle joined her in the elevator on their ride up two floors.

"You still feeling okay, pumpkin?" he asked while dusting his fingers down her arm.

"I guess." She sighed. "Is Mommy going to come soon?"

"Um," Castle hesitated as he had yet to hear from Meredith despite calling her with the good news almost seven hours earlier. He had told his daughter that both her mother and grandmother had come to visit her, though in hindsight if Meredith was going to disappear (again) maybe that was not the best decision. "She, um, yeah, she'll probably be here this morning, but I know that Gram will be here very shortly and she's very excited to see you awake."

"I wasn't asleep for that long," Alexis said with a slight huff, though Castle didn't fault her for her attitude. As she didn't remember falling off the bridge, he imagined everything surrounding her condition and how she ended up in the hospital was very confusing. Plus, at seven, she would have struggled to conceptualize just how serious her injury was even if she remembered.

Bending over, he kissed the top of her head and said, "Remember, Gram hasn't seen you since before Halloween, so she misses you. You missed her, right?"

"Uh huh."

"So then any visit is a good visit."

"Is anyone else coming to see me?"

"Well…Kate said she might stop by."

Alexis's expression brightened slightly. "Ohhh do you think she'll braid my hair? Her braids are the best."

Castle chuckled. "I don't know, but you could ask."

"Okay!"

A moment later they all exited the elevator and Castle followed Alexis to a room down the hall which had yellow walls and a variety of multicolored stickers for a top and bottom border. "Wow, this is really nice," he commented as the nurse put Alexis's IV and monitors back into the correct positions.

Despite this, his daughter frowned. "Does this mean I can't go home, Dad?"

"Not tonight, Alexis, but that's okay, because I'll be here with you."

"When can I go home?"

"I don't know; I haven't talked to the doctor yet, but I'm sure it won't be too long." He walked over and gave her shoulder a squeeze, not wanting her to be too upset. "Do you want me to bring you something from your room? Like your bear?"

She gave a little shrug. "No. I'm okay, I guess."

"Well just let me know and I'll get you anything you want," he promised. Then, he pulled up one of the spare chairs in the room and sat down beside her bed, knowing he wasn't going to leave again until they were ready to leave together.

* * *

Using the back of her hand to suppress a yawn, Kate climbed out of her squad car at the unpleasant hour of five-twenty a.m. As a blast of chilled air whipped towards her body, Kate zipped her coat up a little higher and ducked back into the car to retrieve her take-away cup of coffee. The discovery of a body in an alley outside a bar very early that morning solidified the fact that Kate would not get to sleep in any morning that week, though that morning's call was a far less welcome one than the day before when she'd found out that Alexis had woken up. She wasn't angry about that wakeup call at all. As for this one…well, it was her job, so she wasn't angry, but she had wished the trash collectors had discovered the dead woman an hour later.

"Morning Lanie," she said to the ME already crouched beside the crumpled female figure who wore only a short navy-blue dress—no coat or shoes.

Lanie glanced up at her friend with slight surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Kate shrugged and took a sip of coffee. "What do you mean? There's a body. I'm here."

"I thought you were taking off to be with Castle."

Kate's brow wrinkled as she was unsure how her friend got that idea. "What? No, I never did. I just checked in…besides, everything is basically fine now. He told me that Alexis should go home tomorrow—well, I guess today since it's early morning. Assuming everything is still okay with her when the doctors do their rounds."

Lanie nodded. "Well that's a relief."

"Tell me about it!" Despite hearing the good news, the knots in her stomach did not completely subside until she arrived at the hospital to see Alexis wearing a pink gown and sipping juice from a cup with a straw. When she enthusiastically called out, "Kate!" and tried to clamber out of bed while her father held her back, Kate knew the young girl was going to be okay—and thank god, because she had no idea how she would have handled the opposite situation. Worse, she feared she would have lost her partner to the horror and grief.

Getting down to business, Kate crouched down beside the body and attempted to see the victim's face, but it was difficult with the woman's head tilted towards the ground. "Did she have any ID on her?"

"No," Lanie said. "Maybe you can have some uniforms sift through these dumpsters. Thank goodness she was found _before_ the trash was taken away."

"And COD?"

"Well, there are some marks around her neck and throat here. Could definitely be strangulation. I'll know more once I get her back to the morgue."

"Sounds good." Kate agreed. She then continued her visual sweep of the scene until she heard Lanie ask, "So are we going to talk about it?"

Kate turned to see the ME pulling off her blue gloves and then planting her fists at her hips. "Talk about what?"

"You and Castle?"

"What about me and Castle?"

"You know that you two are…"

"Are what?" Kate asked, having no idea what her friend was implying.

Lanie grumbled and rolled her eyes slightly. Then, she waived her right hand and nodded her head suggestively. "You know…"

Kate's jaw dropped with immediate offense. "Oh my god Lanie, do you think I had sex with Castle while his daughter was in the hospital?" What a horrifying concept! Obviously not because she found Castle to be repulsive but being intimate during such a scenario would have been incredibly inappropriate.

"Of course not! But its interesting that's where your brain went…" Lanie added with a sly smile.

"What? No. Not interesting. My brain went there because you did the…'you're having sex' implication face."

" _Because_ I thought you two might use this opportunity to explore how you really feel about each other."

Shaking her head, not wanting to play into whatever drama Lanie was trying to stir up, Kate said, "He's my partner."

"And?"

"My friend."

"And?"

"No and."

"Kate!"

"What!" she retorted, a little impatient.

Lanie held her hands out wide as though she was pointing out the most obvious thing in the world that Kate had been clueless about for a decade. "You like him; he likes you!"

"Wha—I… No," Kate said. This was certainly not the first time that Lanie had suggested that Kate and Castle were more than just professional partners, but all other times were clearly in jest, whereas this one definitely seemed more serious. Despite that, Kate used the same argument she had previously. "He just got divorced."

"Over six months ago," Lanie pointed out. Then, she gave her head a little shake and took a step closer to her friend. "Okay let me ask you this – let's say it was…I don't know, Detective Ryan's sister who had fallen through some ice and was in the ICU. Would you have reacted the same way?"

"Well…" Kate considered that alternative scenario for a moment, but it seemed like an improper analogy as the reality of her relationship between Alexis and Ryan's sister, who, now that she thought about it, she did not recall the name of, were very, very different. "I've never met Ryan's sister."

"Fair enough, but not entirely my point. If Ryan's sister fell through ice, would you have gone to the hospital? Would you have sat with him for hours?"

Kate's brain immediately answered to the negative; she would not have sat at the hospital with Ryan for hours. Checked in on him? Yes. Visited? Perhaps, but certainly nothing more. Then again, she rarely saw Detective Ryan outside of work. The three of them along with Castle had gone to a Mets game that summer, and perhaps they'd grabbed a drink after a shift a handful of times, but nothing more serious or intimate than that.

"Ryan and I just don't have that kind of relationship. I would have checked in on him and brought him food if he asked but-"

"You wouldn't have sat up all night with him. That's all I'm saying."

As Kate went about her morning, she realized that Lanie had been entirely correct: she did care for Castle. A lot, actually. For longer than she realized he was more than just a partner to her; he was almost like part of her family. Thinking back over the prior forty-eight hours, ever since learning about Alexis's accident, she realized all the things she had done without even realizing or thinking twice. She had sat with him loyally without ever thinking of leaving, she had hugged him and cradled his head against her shoulder as he cried. She had gone home with him, slept beside him on the couch, and cuddled against his body when he'd woken in the wee-hours and seemed too stressed to go back to sleep. Not one of those actions seemed awkward or out of place—not even in hindsight. In fact, they'd felt natural, normal which said to her that she had been subconsciously thinking about him as more than just her colleague for quite some time.

God, she had feelings for Castle—when the hell had that happened?

Not that she was mad, of course. He was a good man. Kind, sweet, funny, intelligent. He challenged her—sometimes to the point of aggravation, but she always knew that he meant well.

She thought back through their partnership, trying to find the moment that changed them. Maybe there wasn't one—maybe that's why she hadn't noticed, because it snuck up on her gradually. That certainly was likely in a lot of respects, but the more she thought, she did recall a specific moment that contributed or perhaps even lit the kindling of her feelings.

Back in August while working on a case, she and Esposito were racing across town to arrest a suspect they feared was about to go on the run; he was driving. During their trip, a squad car following along with them had swerved to avoid a bicyclist and in that action clipped the rear corner of their vehicle. Esposito lost control and hit a parked car. In the accident, she had been rattled, and obtained a nasty bruise on her chest from the seat belt, but otherwise no harm had been done.

A day later, Castle found out about the incident and had been genuinely considered for her welfare. He'd begun to check her for injuries even though they had been having a normal conversation for five minutes beforehand. When she finally managed to convey that she was fine, he'd hugged her tightly—the first real hug they shared.

Though she'd blocked it out in the immediate aftermath of the incident, she recalled then how nice the hug had been and how that, in combination with spending more time with Alexis to help her trust police officers again, had truly been the shift in their relationship. They spent time together outside of the Twelfth, outside of cases, and, without realizing, she'd grown closer to him.

When it came to her relationships, Kate knew her life was, at best, complicated. In her mind, her career came first, which was both a result of her desire to become a successful NYPD detective and because in the wake of her mother's untimely death she had closed off her heart to avoid being hurt that way again. If she dated, it was mostly casually. If she had something more serious—like she had a year prior with her admittedly slightly boring FBI beau—she knowingly kept one foot out the door and didn't like to open up, to trust too willingly.

The more she thought about it, that wasn't the case with Castle. She trusted him as a colleague certainly, and with her personal life. She'd opened up to him more about her mother's case than she had with anyone before and with great success. He never pushed or prodded even though he'd been known to do so with other topics. She really felt that he understood how such a tragic event made her feel, both as a daughter, and as a cop who strived to solve every case.

She trusted him and cared for him and, the more she thought about it, she realized that—god help her—she wanted more. Not 'let's have sex and maybe eat a meal together beforehand' way, but in a real, life-sharing relationship sort of way—a way she hadn't experienced…well, ever in her adult life, which meant this was not a relationship she wanted to rush into. The month of December already felt too complicated with holidays, so many of her coworkers taking vacation time, and general year-end things. But in January? In the new year? Having something more meaningful with Castle was definitely something she wanted to explore.

* * *

 **A/N** : thanks for reading & reviewing everyone!


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

On Friday, two days after Alexis was released from the hospital, Kate stepped off the elevator of Castle's building quite exited for her visit with the father-daughter duo. As she had wanted to give them plenty of space to settle in—especially since Alexis was still sleeping a lot as part of her recovery—Kate had not yet intruded upon their hospitality, but in chatting with Castle she found that Alexis was anxious to see her, so their Friday play-date was scheduled. Since she worked the prior weekend, Kate had that weekday off and planned to go over to the Castle residence in the middle of the afternoon to play some card games before dinner.

As she walked down the hall towards the correct apartment, Kate's only thought was that she hoped Alexis was still in good spirits and not too exhausted from her ordeal, particularly since she heard from Castle that the girl would only be going back to school for half days the following week. Seeing as Alexis was one of those rare kids who loved school, this surprised her, but she understood that a healthy recovery needed to take precedence over everything else.

She had barely turned the corner to the last hallway on the floor when a small, red blur crashed into her legs. She gasped and jumped back only to realize it was Alexis with a frantic look in her eye. "What's going on?" she asked, immediately concerned.

"Kate! Kate! Don't let them! You won't let them take me, right Kate?"

"Wha…I…" The detective stammered, utterly confused as Alexis's locked her arms around her hips and began walking her way around behind Kate as though she was seeking protection from a monstrous adversary. Unsure if the Castle family was actually under attack or if Alexis was suffering some sort of paranoid reaction from her injury, Kate began calmly, "Alexis, I don't understand—what's happening?"

"Don't let them take me!"

Still confused, Kate attempted to peel Alexis's arms off her body while simultaneously crouching and turning so she could look the little girl in the eye. When at Alexis's level, she saw the girl wore a pink t-shirt and what looked like striped pajama bottoms. Her hair was half falling out of its ponytail and her feet were bare. Now slightly more concerned as she looked slightly disheveled, Kate said, "No one is taking you, Alexis, but I can't help if-"

"Alexis! Shit…where—Alexis!"

Kate was interrupted by Castle's voice calling out from down the hall. Just as she turned in that direction, she felt Alexis's arms lock around her neck.

"No! No!" the little girl cried.

Still confused, but no longer worried for their safety, Kate slid her arm beneath Alexis's bottom and hoisted her up as she stood from the ground, which was actually a bit more difficult than she'd anticipated since she had not accurately guessed how much Alexis weighed. After securing the girl on her hip, Kate began walking back towards the apartment. Castle spotted her and relief immediately filled his face.

"Alexis, you cannot run off like that! You know you're not allowed to leave the apartment by yourself and-"

"NO!" Alexis cried out when her father's hands circled her waist and he tried to pull her away from Kate. The young girl clung so tightly to the detective she actually began to feel rather choked.

"Alexis, c'mon," Kate said, while trying to loosen her grip. "Let's go back inside."

"No! Then they'll make me go!" She whined, though when Kate carried her into the apartment she did drop to the floor and scamper back towards the bedrooms where, a moment later, a door could be heard slamming shut.

Kate then turned back to her exhausted-looking partner and quirked her lips. "Is now a bad time?" she asked with slight jest.

While he gave her a pointed look, Kate heard from the other side of the room, "It's all bad, darling. Would you like some wine?"

Turning, she saw Castle's mother seated on the couch, glass of red wine in her hand. "Oh, um, hi Martha; I'm fine, thanks. Just, um, wondering what's going on?" she added as she turned back to Castle.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. "Meredith is what's going on. She's…she's decided she wants to fight the custody agreement we have."

"Oh." Kate gasped when the true meaning of Alexis's "don't let them take me" comment hit her. Meredith was trying to obtain custody of Alexis and take her from her father; how awful! "She can't do that…can she?"

"No," he responded instantly, but then shook his head. "I don't know. But apparently when she came to have lunch with Alexis, she told her that her daddy was a bad man and so people were going to take her away from me."

Feeling her stomach clench with horror, Kate said, "Please tell me you're kidding."

He gave her a look that clearly expressed displeasure. "I wish I could."

She reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. "I'm so sorry, Castle. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, no I just… I'm hoping this all blows over when Meredith gets distracted by something else, but I don't know." He scrubbed his hands over his face and took a few steps away. "She's being more aggressive than she has been before. And of course now Alexis is scared and won't even talk either of us…"

Seeing an opportunity to assist, Kate asked, "Mind if I try."

"Not at all. Just…" He hesitated for a moment, gazed down to the floor, and looked back up at her cautiously. "Just don't promise that she can stay here with me. I…I don't know how all this is going to play out and I don't want her to be angry at us for breaking promises, too."

Kate's heart clenched in the reflection of her partner's clearly pained face. For him to make a comment like that, Meredith really must have rattled him—and how horrible! Just a few days earlier he'd been afraid for Alexis's life. Now, he feared losing her for a different, perhaps even more frustrating, reason.

After agreeing to his terms, Kate walked back to Alexis's bedroom, knocked on the door and announced herself asking, "Can I come in?"

She heard Alexis sniffle in response and opened the bedroom door to find the girl curled up, crying into her pillow. "Oh, Alexis," Kate sighed out, sitting on the edge of the bed near Alexis's feet. She landed her hand on the girl's arm, stroked it and said, "I'm so sorry to hear about everything that upset you this morning."

Still sniffling, Alexis lifted her head and asked, "Can I come live with you?"

"What?" Kate responded, having no idea where the little girl had come up with that idea.

Alexis pushed herself up and rubbed the back of her hand under her nose. "If the men take me away from Daddy can I live with you? Then I could stay here and see him, instead of going to California."

Upon hearing Alexis's logic, a fractured smile crossed Kate's face. She reached out to grab two tissues from a neighboring box and handed them to Alexis so she could mop up her leaking nose. Oh, that the world was as simple as it was through a child's eyes. Kate could not explain to Alexis that living with her, a non-relative, would never be an option in a custody battle, instead she merely patted the girl's knee. "On, sweetheart, as much as I'd love to hang out with you more, I'm sure it won't come to that. Your parents will work something out."

After wiping her face, Alexis sat up a bit straighter and set her jaw. "Mom kept telling me that Daddy's a bad man, but I know that's not true."

"No, it's not true," Kate said, because however strong Alexis was being in the moment, she knew the girl needed to hear it. "Your father is a very good man; one of the best I've ever met."

"Then why would she say that?"

"Well…" Kate began as a way to give herself a moment to consider a child-appropriate response. "You know…sometimes when people are very upset they get themselves all worked up and their anger sort of…jumps out in crazy ways. I think maybe your mom is just lashing out at your dad because she feels she needs to be mad at someone."

Alexis dipped her chin towards her chest. "She should be mad at me."

"What do you mean?"

Kate could see the girl's eyes welling with tears as she sniffed out, "It's my fault—it's my fault because I climbed on that bridge, but I don't remember doing it."

"No, no." Kate promised sliding closer to that she could put an arm around Alexis's shoulders. "It's not your fault. It was an accident and accidents just happen."

"But if I hadn't fallen off the bridge, Mommy wouldn't be mad at Dad."

"No, Alexis. You falling off the bridge has absolutely nothing to do with this, because it's about your parent's past relationship with each other. It…you know, they went through a lot together in the past and sometimes those things are hard to get over. I completely understand why you think it might be your fault, but you have to try and push those thoughts out of your mind because I promise you this is not your fault. Okay?"

Alexis nodded, though weakly.

"Okay, good, so did you maybe want to come play a game with your father, grandmother, and me?"

"Maybe in a few minutes."

Kate nodded, gave the girl a quick squeeze, and said, "Okay." Then, she walked out into the hall and nearly ran smack into Castle, who evidently had been listening by the door. She managed to swallow her yelp of surprise and drag Castle further down the hall before she asked him what he was doing.

"Um…listening," he said in an isn't-it-obvious-way.

"You didn't think I'd tell you what she said?"

"No…well, honestly I didn't think of that I just wanted to know what's going on with her and now…" He sighed and took two steps away, shaking her head. "She thinks all of this is on her—how am I supposed to fix that?"

As she wasn't a parent, Kate did not feel confident making a suggestion, so instead she just said, "Continue reassuring her that it's not, I would think."

"Yeah I know but…god." He grunted and combed his hands back through his hair, which now looked like an absolute mess. "How did this whole thing get so…"

"I know." She stepped up, wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a quick hug, and then stepped back. "Just let me know if I can do anything."

He grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "You've already done more than enough, trust me."

* * *

Later that night, after Alexis was asleep and his mother and Kate had gone home, Castle finally had a chance to do the dishes waiting in the kitchen sink since the end of their meal. As much as he didn't feel like washing dishes some evenings, he didn't always mind such menial chores, as they often freed up his brain from other thoughts and let it focus instead of ideas for his writing or, as of late, working through the facts and clues in his cases.

Ever since Alexis's accident, he hadn't felt very creative at all, but that evening he did think about his developing character, Nikki Heat, probably because his partner—the woman he used for inspiration—had been with him that evening. He thought about the way he'd written Nikki—smart, strong, and tough—and the situations he put her in, or was trying to put her in, in her first novel. Though he'd sketched out several different scenarios, none of them seemed to fit, and thus his writing never flowed.

Nearly half a year earlier Castle had been inspired to write Nikki after he'd watched Kate disarm three (from his perspective) giant men in a shoot-out, hand-to-hand combat display of badassery. It truly had been one of the most impressive things he'd ever seen particularly since his only contribution to their safety had been to clip one man in the arm with a bullet (he'd been aiming for the chest) which distracted the assailant enough for Kate to knock him out cold with a roundhouse kick. Thus, over the next few days when he jotted down notes about Nikki, he had that version of his partner in mind: savvy, tough, take-no-prisoners, fighting her way through a man's world with wild success. Kate certainly had that side to her—and it impressed him beyond words whenever it came out—but Kate was also more than just that, which meant that his first mistake was writing Nikki so cold and one-sided.

Though he had seen it several times before as she interacted with victim's families and with his daughter, that week had served as a reminder of the other side of Kate. Not the steely, criminal-hunting badass, but the warm-hearted, kind, caring friend that she was. She had a huge capacity to love that was often overshadowed by her tough exterior, but, the more he thought about it, was the true reason she was one of the best detectives in the NYPD. She had a drive to solve cases not for the glory of the financial gain, but for the victim's families—to bring them the closure she so desired in her own life. That was the piece of her that made her extraordinary.

That evening he had watched Kate coax Alexis first out of her room and then into smiling and laughing during their game in a way that he, in his emotionally spent state, was not capable. For that, he was grateful, but the move served as a reminder that his partner had an incredibly capacity to love and to care for others.

That— _that_ —was what Nikki Heat's story lacked. She needed more than her gritty exterior—not to the point where she wore her heart on her sleeve; that was too far in the other direction, but there needed to be something that softened her. A younger sibling? Possibly. A lover could work, but he couldn't be disposable. He had to be there for her, but she still needed to shine, for he didn't want the story to feel too much like a romance, but she needed someone…someone to challenge her, to drive her away from the darkness she saw every day… _something_.

As heavy as his eyelids had felt when he started washing dishes, Castle felt rejuvenated once they were done. He rushed to his desk, turned on his computer, cracked his knuckles and then set to work. Nikki Heat was going to get her story after all.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Hearing a knock at his apartment door, Castle called out, "Coming!" and jogged the short distance from the kitchen to the front door. When he pulled it open, he laughed aloud at what he saw: Kate wearing a knit cap, black puffy coat, and holding a carnation in her outstretched hand. "What…ah…" He stammered a bit, caught off-guard by the gesture. "Are you serious? You brought me a flower?"

She grinned a little bit wider and said, "Gotta keep the joke going, Castle."

He gave his head a little shake, plucked the flower from her grasp, and ushered her into their apartment. He then walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup from the cabinet, filled it halfway with water, and dropped the flower inside. He then placed it aside, intending to let Alexis have it when she returned from the babysitters.

"Ready to paint the town?"

He chuckled deeply and reached for the coat he left hang on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Something like that. C'mon; let's go."

She nodded and then led the way out of the apartment and down to the street for the beginning of their non-date date.

The prior week, Castle felt as though he was finally over the hump of the most stressful period of his life. Alexis was back in school full time and seemed nearly one hundred percent back to normal after her accident, which was excellent news. Insofar as her recover, he could not have asked for better. The situation with his ex-wife, on the other hand, was not going as well. For the first few days after Alexis was home from the hospital, Meredith called him frequently to yell at him even though he always sent her calls directly to voicemail. She tried to get at Alexis through his mother and by showing up at his apartment, but he refused to let her in, as her visits were too distressing to their child. These events culminated in Meredith telling him that he would soon be hearing from her lawyer. Castle then spent the next few days eating antacids by the dozen and stressing out over every phone call. Finally, when eight days passed and he heard from no lawyers, he felt it safe to assume Meredith had been deterred either by the cost or simply the inconvenience it caused her.

Throughout the process, Kate had been equally kind and patient with him, particularly when he called her to complain or talk things through—even though he had done so the prior night, and the night before. He knew he was being annoying, but he also needed to feel as though he wasn't alone, and she was the person most likely do to that.

When he expressed to her he felt the whole ordeal was behind him, she expressed how happy she was to hear that, then immediately suggested they spent a night out on the town to celebrate. "What? Like…a date?" had been his confused response, to which she sighed and said, "Does a man and a woman spending time together always have to be a date?"

They'd gone back and forth a few times before a clearly frustrated Kate blurted out, "Fine, it's a non-date date. The point is that you look stressed and exhausted and you need a break. A night out on me—what do you say?"

And who was he to say no to that?

As they walked to the subway stop nearest Castle's apartment, Kate informed him of their plans to get drinks and some appetizers before going to a movie. He had no complaints about this but continued to check his phone as they traveled to the bar she chose. Rationally he knew that Alexis would be fine, and she had been at that babysitter's apartment plenty of times before, but it was the first time he was leaving her for more than just an hour since her accident—not to mention the Meredith fiasco. He knew it was irrational, but his writer's brain feared that somehow Meredith would find a way to show up and kidnap Alexis in his accident, thus he continually checked his phone in case of emergency.

Once at the bar, Kate ordered beers for both of them along with some nachos and wings. They made their way to a high-top table to wait for their foot and Castle placed his phone down, unconsciously checking the display every few minutes, and only passively participating in the conversation Kate was trying to engage him in. Something about the Knicks…

"Hey—Earth to Castle!"

"Wha? Sorry, sorry." He apologized quickly when Kate tapped her fingers against his hand to rouse his attention. "I'm listening—what about the last game?"

She eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Great! Then you don't need this," she said as she landed her fingertip on the top edge of his phone and slid it across the table in her direction.

His heartrate jumped immediately. "Wait—what?"

She picked up the device and gestured in his direction with it. "If you're checking it every three seconds, you're not relaxing and taking your mind off things."

"But-"

"It's okay," she told him calmly. "It'll be in my purse. We will hear it if it rings and I will check it for texts from the babysitter every twenty minutes."

As the word _kidnapping_ flashed in his brain he argued, "Fifteen minutes!"

"Fine."

Though he didn't like the idea of being separated from his phone, he knew Kate was right. He wasn't paying any attention to her or taking his mind off the things stressing him out, which was the entire point of that evening. Thankfully, their food arrived a minute later, which proved a decent distraction as they shared the wings and nachos.

"Oh, before I forget—Alexis wants you to come over Saturday so we can make Christmas cookies together."

Kate's expression turned hesitant, as though he'd invited her to wrestle alligators instead of bake sugar cookies. "Oh, um…I don't have to do that with you guys. Sounds like a family thing."

"But she specifically asked that you be there. She…we were talking two nights ago about what happened when she was asleep," he said of the way they had chosen to describe her temporarily comatose state. "She was worried about me…worried that I was alone, but I told her I had my mother…and you."

"That's why she wants me to come?"

Noticing the continued hesitation in Kate's voice, he offered a smile. "Yes. Is that not okay?"

"I'm not sure."

Never having anticipated her turning down the invitation, his brow wrinkled and he leaned in a bit closer to her. "What's the matter? If you're not up to mixing ingredients you can man the cookie cutters with Alexis."

Kate gave a gentle shake of her head and grabbed a napkin to wipe her fingers on. "It's not that. I…you know my mother died in early January, right? We…we still had the decorations up. The tree, stockings, lights…everything. So, after the funeral, after we packed up her office and all the things we had to, we finally got around to putting away the Christmas decorations and it was like we were putting Christmas away forever. All the holidays, actually."

Castle leaned back in his seat and considered her statement. So her feelings had nothing to do with him or Alexis or an aversion to baking desserts; it had to do with her mother, which made much more sense, but was still disppointing for him.

What he knew about Kate's mother's death had been pieced together from several different conversations and a little of his own research. The elder woman had been stabbed to death on a cold January night when Kate was only nineteen. The police had written off the event as a random, gang-related incident, and thus the killer was never found. As far as he understood it, this event defined Kate's adult life, not only because she lost a parent so young, but because the unsolved crime caused her to change her career path from one that involved law school to one that involved the police academy.

While Castle admired the noble way Kate handled such a tragic event, he knew just how hard it was for her to be a detective solving crimes only to have her mother's murder be unsolved. He also felt the hurt she suffered at such a young age made her shield her heart far more than she needed to. Thankfully, with him and his daughter, he felt those walls had begun to slide down, but at the same time, if the holidays were a trigger for her, he didn't want to push too hard.

Tentatively, he asked, "You really don't celebrate Christmas at all?"

"Not really. Just like on Thanksgiving my dad will be at his cabin. He usually comes back the second of January. We have dinner and exchange small gifts then. It just…I never feel like celebrating because not having here there is just… well it hurts a lot more on a holiday like that."

He offered a kind smile. "I understand that, but—and forgive me if I'm overstepping but—then it's almost like you're preventing yourself from having any joy?"

He watched her spine stiffen and she clutched her beer bottle a little bit tighter. "I find joy in other things, just not family things."

Knowing he was edging on pushing too hard, he decided to relent so as not to ruin the rest of their evening. "Well, if that's your decision I'll just tell Alexis that-"

"No." She jumped in quickly. "I—I'll come make cookies."

He arched his brow in surprise. "Really?"

She nodded. "Sure. I mean…Alexis wants me there and she was in a coma this month."

A breathy laugh escaped his lips. "And if you let her, she will remind you about that constantly and guilt you in to giving her whatever she wants because of it." Ice cream for dinner included, he thought to himself.

Kate's smile returned, and she lifted the bottle to her lips. "I'm sure. She learned it from you."

"Hey!"

"It's true!"

He shrugged. "It really is. I created a monster…"

"But she's a cute monster."

"A darn cute one," he agreed. After nearly losing his daughter, Castle had no problem caving to her desires for ice cream for dinner and some extra chocolate chips in her pancakes—at least until the new year. Then he'd need to cut back so her treats didn't get too far out of hand, but he couldn't blame her too much. Were he in her situation, he definitely would have milked such an injury for all it was worth.

"So," Kate asked before popping part of a chip into her mouth, "what kind of cookies will we be making?"

* * *

"Sorry the movie was a bit of a bust." Kate sighed as they walked into the lobby of Castle's apartment building. When they got to the theater, they only had two choices of movies starting within the next fifteen minutes or they would have had to wait. Castle let her choose, and she took a gamble on the lighter and funnier seeming of the two options, but during the ninety-minute film she hadn't laughed as much as she had groaned or cringed.

"No, no it was fine," he said. She gave him a pointed look and he adjusted his answer. "I mean, it was terrible, but good as a distraction. You were completely right, I really needed this."

She nudged his arm with her elbow. "What partners are for, right?"

"Something like that. You gonna walk me to my door, too?"

"I think I have to." She replied, half-joking, but as long as she was in the building, riding up the elevator didn't seem too much of an inconvenience.

Once they were in the ascending car, Castle began, "Hey can I ask—what will you do for Christmas?"

"I'm on shift. I work so those with families don't have to."

He nodded. "Well, if you're hungry when you get done, we'll have plenty of ham, mashed potatoes, and anything else you might want."

Kate stepped out of the elevator on the correct floor and stuffed her hands down into her coat pockets. "I'm not going to intrude on your first Christmas with just you and Alexis, Castle." As kind as her partner's offer was, she was not yet ready to participate in any Christmas festivities—a meal included. She also did not want to intrude on his family time, particularly when it was a change for them—and after a stressful month, no less—but felt that argument was a softer blow than one that laid out her own issues with holiday events.

"Kate," Castle began, his voice almost alarmingly tender as he skimmed his hand down her bicep. "You are never an intrusion." His body tilted ever so slightly towards hers and Kate felt her breath hitch in her throat.

God, was he going to kiss her? Then? After their non-date date? Yes, she had considered kissing him at some point in the future, but not _then_. Not when she felt the wound of her mother's murder had just been picked open again at the mere discussion of the holiday before her death.

Before Castle could move any closer, she did a small hop back and said, "Well, it's getting late," and then immediately fought a cringe, since it was barely after ten p.m.

Surprise skittered across his face for a moment, but to his credit he recovered well. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

She began backing her way towards the elevator, groping behind her for the call button. "No, no don't worry about it. Glad you had a good time."

"Me too."

"Right, well-"

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"My phone?" he asked while stretching out his arm.

She cursed under her breath having momentarily forgotten I was still in her purse. "Shit sorry—sorry." She apologized as she pulled it from her bag's side pocket and passed it over.

He took it with a gracious nod. "Don't worry about it. So, um, Saturday—one o'clock? For the cookies."

She nodded. "Yeah that's fine. I'll, um, see you then." Then, with a small wave, she frantically pressed the elevator call button until it opened. She slipped inside the car and turned to see Castle watching her cautiously. She gave an awkward smile and a little wave until the doors closed at which point she covered her face with both hands. God, she was such an idiot. Hopefully her partner wouldn't hold it against her.

* * *

A/N: thanks so much for reading!


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"….Okay, well, just let me know if you can identify the weapon used. And what that white residue is when you test it," Kate said in conclusion of her visit to the latest murder scene assigned to her. Their victim, a white male appearing to be in his early or mid twenties, had his throat cut (presumably cause of death due to the blood spilled across his torso). His body had been discovered in a car that did not appear to belong to him by a passer-by earlier that morning, which meant the duty of finding who took the man's life had fallen in Kate's hands.

"Always do," Lanie told her wink a wink. The two women then walked away from the scene, Lanie pulling off her rubber gloves, while Kate jotted down a few notes for herself to look into when she got back to her desk. "Hey, um, no Castle today?" Lanie asked as she looked around as though she half expected to find him hiding behind one of the cruisers stationed at the end of the block, closing it to traffic while they investigated and photographed the area.

Kate frowned slightly at the mention of her absent partner. "Oh. No. Not this case."

"Not last weeks either, right? What's going on? I mean…is something going on between you two? Oh! Is that why he's not consulting with the NYPD anymore?" Lanie asked, her voice elevating with presumed excitement.

The creases in Kate's brow deepened. "No, no; nothing like that. He's just…he's just not taking cases right now."

"Really? Why? Did he say?"

Kate shook her head and shrugged. Then she echoed the exact sentence the PI had told her when they last spoke. "He told me that he's got a lot on his plate right now and he'll be back when he feels he has the right amount of time to dedicate to a case."

That time, it was Lanie who frowned. "Really? But I…I don't know if I've seen him this month at all. Are you sure something didn't happen between you two?"

A breathy noise of annoyance escaped Kate's lips. "No. Definitely not. And I don't think anything will, honestly. Especially not…never mind." She shook her head, not wanting to get into the embarrassing memories in such a public setting.

Of course, her comment only succeeded in intruding her friend who stepped up a little bit closer and accused, "Something _did_ happen, didn't it?"

"N-no…it, I mean, we—god." She groaned at her own inability to spit the words out. Shaking her head, she tried again. "We…we kind of almost kissed."

"WHAT?!"

"Lanie!" Kate hissed to quiet her squealing friend.

"Sorry—why didn't you tell me?"

Kate suppressed a shiver at the memory of the moment she found to be quite embarrassing. "Because it was…I don't know." She huffed out a breath and covered her face with her hands. Even then, a month later, she still wasn't entirely sure how their non-date date had taken a turn. Well, okay, she knew. They were having a sweet moment and if she thought about it objectively she supposed she could not entirely blame her partner for sensing some romanticism in the air. And maybe if their non-date date had taken place in January, she would have felt okay kissing him, but that close to Christmas? She just… _couldn't_.

"It the week before Christmas and he was just looking so stressed, you know? After everything with Alexis and his ex-wife I couldn't blame him, but I still felt like he was trapped in a stressful pattern, so I said I'd take him out for a drink and to a movie—just to take his mind off everything. So…we went and…" She sighed, and a soft smile crossed her face. "It was nice. It was fun…and then I was walking him to his door afterwards and he…there was a moment when I thought he was going to kiss me."

"So what did you do?"

With a slight cringe she confessed, "Quickly said goodnight and left."

Lanie's jaw dropped. "Wha—Kate!"

"I know. I should…I guess I could have handled it better—I admit that—but I wasn't ready! Not then! Even…even if we could have just called it a moment we had at the end of that night, I'd already agreed to see him a few days later because Alexis wanted me to bake cookies with them and I…I thought it would be awkward."

"Wasn't it anyway?" Lanie asked with an arched brow.

"Um…I don't think so? At least, it didn't seem like it was to me, but Alexis was there the whole time so maybe that was why. I…I'm honestly not sure, all I know is that since Christmas it's been a little bit weird between us."

Lanie scoffed. "Well yeah – you ran away from his kiss in horror!"

Kate squeaked. "Wha—no! Not horror! Just…confusion." And maybe a little bit of fear, she added to herself. "I just…" She rounded her shoulders as she continued. "I know the holidays get crazy and I get that. I thought we'd kind of find our footing again in the new year, but… but every time I talk to him, he sounds more distant. Like he's… I don't want to say brushing me off, because that's not quite right. He does a good job of making himself sound busy, so maybe he is, but part of me just can't help but think he realized he didn't want to be with someone who has baggage and isn't a big fan of celebrating holidays."

Lanie gazed at her for a few moments, considering, before ultimately saying, "Don't take this the wrong way but: you're giving him too much credit."

"What does that mean?"

Shaking her head with amusement, Lanie said, "It means men are far simpler creatures than that. He probably saw you deflect a kiss and interpreted that as you just wanted to be friends."

Kate had initially considered that Occam's razor conclusion, but then dismissed it as her brain continued to process the situation. "But then why would he stop taking cases?"

"I don't know…Because he's in love with you and is trying to get over you which is easier when he's not around you?" she guessed.

"He's not in love with me," Kate said firmly; such a notion was ridiculous.

"He could be."

"I doubt it, but I suppose…I suppose he could be staying away because he doesn't want to make my feel uncomfortable." When Lanie nodded, agreeing to this idea, Kate skimmed her teeth across her bottom lip and asked, "So…I should reach out to him, right?"

"Certainly, wouldn't be a bad idea. Just, don't wait too long, okay Kate?"

"Yeah," she agreed. Then, she bid goodbye to her friend, and walked back to her cruiser so she could return to her precinct and continue investigating the case.

Kate focused her attention on running the plates and names on the registration for the vehicle the vic had been discovered in. She then searched for traffic camera footage, or any other views of their crime scene that could help her piece together what went on. When Lanie emailed her prints, she ran those, and then began to build the all-important Murder Board. She worked diligently without her mind wandering for almost three hours when, on a trip back from the bathroom, her eyes fell on the vacant chair beside her desk—the one in which Castle usually sat—and her heart clenched with sadness.

She missed him. She missed his smile. She missed his jokes. She even missed the absurd theories he threw out both to annoy her and make her laugh.

When the image of his smile and flirtatious blue eyes flashed into her mind, Kate reached out for her cell phone and pulled up her text message chain with Castle. Their last communication had been two days prior when he sent her a cartoon image of a fumbling detective obviously meant to entertain. That was a good sign, right? That he was still texting her unprompted? True, a silly cartoon was hardly anything overly intimate, but it was better than nothing.

Her fingers poised above the keyboard for several moments as she thought of something witty to say to him, nothing came to mind. She stared at the screen so long that the backlight ended up going off and, with a huff, she gave up and dropped the phone back down to her desk.

God, what was wrong with her? She had no doubt Lanie would be able to whip up a flirty or funny message on demand, so why couldn't she? Why couldn't she be loose and casual with her heart? Hell, she would have even settled for slightly more relaxed, but no… that just wasn't her.

The more she thought about the uphill battle she faced when being in a truly open relationship, the more Kate felt her chest begin to tighten. What if being in a relationship just wasn't in the cards for her? What if she tried to be open and screwed it up? What if she ended up hurting both of them in the process?

It had been so long since she had been carefree and open, she almost forgot what it was like. She knew she'd stumble, and that was okay; she felt she and Castle could both recover from a stumble, but what about an all-out face-plant? Was it really wise of her to try out a full adult relationship for the first time with a man who had a small child who already looked up to her? With a man who had his heart broken so recently by his ex-wife?

The absolute last thing Kate wanted was to hurt him. She saw how much he'd suffered during the parts of his divorce when Meredith was being particularly obstinate. She saw it again barely more than a month prior when she was once again complicating his life. He spoke about her with no small amount of bitterness—and, after what she'd witness, she didn't fault him for that—but the last thing she wanted was for a time to come when he thought of her the same way; that would tear her apart.

She knew there was a chance it would all be fine. That the level to which they cared for each other then, before they even became intimate, would guide them through the rough times ahead, but…god, what if they didn't? What if she was simply better off alone?

* * *

"Whoa look at that—you ate all your green beans without me having to remind you. Great job, pumpkin." Castle cheered the small victories of fatherhood when his daughter carried her empty dinner plate over to where he stood at the counter, cleaning up crumbs and assorted spills.

She gave a noncommittal shrug. "I was hungry."

"Well there's plenty of beans leftover for tomorrow," he said with a wink.

"Hey Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Did you talk to Kate today?"

He turned his head to gaze down at Alexis, who stood a foot away looking equal parts innocent and curious. "Um…no, I didn't. Why do you ask?"

Again, she shrugged. "Just wonderin'. I mean…she hasn't come to visit us in forever!"

He chuckled at his daughter's slight dramatization. While Kate had stopped by briefly on New Year's Day, they hadn't had an extended visit from her since they baked cookies for Christmas. That date had been a month earlier, but that hardly classified as a time that could be described as "forever", though he knew the perspective of seven-year-olds was quite different than his own.

"Well, you know we talked about how Kate's mother died in January a few years back and this time of year is really hard for her. I think she just feels better being by herself."

"Because she's sad?"

"Yes."

"But she's always happy when she's here. We can cheer her up!"

He reached out and tapped her nose with his soapy finger; she giggled. "I wish it were that simple, sweetie."

"But she's still our friend, right?"

"Of course she is. Tell you what—I'll check in with her in the next few days and maybe we can set something up, okay?"

"Okay." Alexis nodded before wandering off towards the sitting room to presumably watch her half hour of allotted school-night television.

Turning back to the dishes in the sink, Castle sighed and rested his hands against the counter. Though he never wanted to lie to his daughter, he wasn't sure how much success he would have with messaging Kate and asking if she wanted to come to dinner or to have a game night. Worst of all he knew that Kate's potential refusal would be entirely his fault.

Six weeks earlier he'd been an absolute fool and had tried to kiss his colleague-slash-friend. They had agreed their evening out wasn't a date and he respected that, but then she'd walked her home, and she just looked so beautiful in the dim light of the hallway. That combined with the three beers he'd had that night had him reading the moment wrong and leaning in for a kiss which she turned away from. Of course he did not blame her in the least for that; the moment certainly hadn't been right—not when they had just been discussing her mother's death not a few minutes earlier—thus the awkwardness he created had been his fault and his alone.

Admittedly, he probably made the situation even slightly worse (assuming that was possible) by throwing himself into the Nikki Heat novel he was writing. He didn't regret that action as was quite pleased with the progress he was making on the story, but in hindsight he could have split his time a bit more evenly between writing and working on cases with the NYPD. He'd been afraid of interrupting his flow, which was why he only took a few random PI cases to keep money flowing, but nothing of a highly complex or criminal variety.

When it came right down to it, he did miss Kate—her smile, her laugh, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was just a little bit embarrassed. His life did feel a little less bright without Kate in it, but, then again, since he felt there was so much of her in Nikki, he did feel that a bit of her remained with him as long as he was writing. Still, that character was a pale imitation of the real thing, which meant he needed to pull himself out of his writing bubble and get back to his PI work, at least for a little while. Then maybe if he asked Kate to come to dinner, she wouldn't turn him down. Maybe then they could get back to the place he wanted them to be—together.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Standing in the breakroom, Kate delicately picked up the coffee pot and tipped it over into her mug, which rested on the counter a few inches away. She successfully filled the mug with coffee, but when she moved to put the pot back on its warming plate, some of it slopped onto the counter and she groaned. She was using her right arm—nothing should have been awkward—but somehow with her left arm bound against her chest with a brace everything just felt…off. Stupid bullet graze!

With her coffee ready, Kate walked over to the refrigerator to pull out the sandwich Ryan had picked up for her earlier that day. She pulled it out, but then realized she needed to use her right hand to carry the coffee cup. She remained frozen in the middle of the room for a moment, trying to figure the best course of action, when she realized she could probably grip the sandwich between her index finger and thumb of her left hand even with it mashed against her chest. Then her right would be free to carry the coffee.

Very gently, she slid the sandwich into her left hand, but immediately hissed in discomfort. Evidently, gripping the sandwich put too much stress on her bicep, but she found that she could trap it against her side with minimal discomfort, so she had to settle for that. Just as she was about to pick up her coffee and make the precarious trek to her desk, she was interrupted by the breakroom door slamming open. She'd barely registered her partner's face before he was bounding in her direction, calling out, "Beckett? Beckett! Oh, thank god! Thank god you're okay!"

His arms wound around her shoulder so aggressively that she lost her grip on the sandwich and it fell to the floor at her feet. She grumbled, ducked out of his embrace, and scooped the sandwich up off the floor with her right hand. At least it was still in the wrapper and had suffered no damage—or dirt.

After placing the sandwich on the counter beside her coffee, she used a puff of air to blow some hair off her face and then asked, "What are you doing here?" She wasn't annoyed so much as confused, especially since he was acting even more crazed than normal.

"Ryan told me you were shot!"

"And you…dropped everything and came running?" she guessed, half joking, but half serious since she'd only been released from the hospital forty-five minutes earlier.

He shrugged then nodded. "Basically, yeah."

"Oh…well, you didn't have to; I'm fine."

"You're not fine! You were shot!"

She shook her head as he made it sound as though she'd had a near brush with death when in reality the whole thing had been a fluke. What were the odds an accidental discharge hit anyone, let alone someone standing half a block away? Really, she'd just begun that morning with terrible luck. "I'm fine, Castle; it was just a graze."

"A graze! Where? Your arm?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, hence the sling, which, honestly, I think is overkill but they-"

"No, no, no." He cooed as he stepped up and stroked her left shoulder as though she was a wounded puppy. "You need to rest it so it can heal. I mean—shouldn't you be resting now? Sit down! Let me-"

"Castle," she began, her tone warning. "I'm perfectly fine. Actually, I was just about to eat some lunch so-"

"I got it!" He jumped in, scooping up both her sandwich and coffee mug before she had a chance to protest. He led the way to her desk where he placed her coffee mug and sandwich down in front of her desk. Then, he ripped the tape off her sandwich's paper wrap, unrolled it, and then gestured towards it dramatically as an invitation for her to sit down and eat.

"Um…thanks," she said a bit distantly as his assistance was entirely unnecessary. Though, when he sat down in "his" chair beside her desk for the first time in almost two months it did bring a smile to her face.

"So what happened? Was there a big shoot-out? Did anyone else get injured?"

Taking a bite out of her sandwich, she rolled her eyes. "There you go sounding gleeful about something serious again, Castle."

He placed his hand on the desk near her coffee mug and said in the most serious tone she'd heard from him yet, "I would never, ever be gleeful about you being hurt, Kate."

She nodded. "I know. Honestly, though, it was nothing interesting. Suspect was being taken into custody, he was in the process of surrendering his weapon, he dropped it and it went off. It was a genuine accident I just…" She dipped her chin towards her left arm. "Wrong place, wrong time."

"And the wound really isn't deep?"

"Nope, just a really big scrape. I can take the brace off in twenty-four hours as long as it doesn't swell or get worse."

He nodded. "Good. Glad to hear it—but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be resting. Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?"

Just as he suggested this, she took another bite of her sandwich, only the half she was eating began to fall apart. With only one hand, she had no hope of saving it, so the lettuce, tomato, and ham merely plopped down onto the edge of her desk. "That's really not necessary," she managed while trying to put as much as she could of the sandwich back together.

"I think it is," he said pointedly. "Besides—Alexis would love to see you."

Kate smiled. Though she and Castle had connected over the phone the prior week, they had yet to schedule a concrete time for them all to get together, so as much as she wanted to go home and rest, this did seem a perfect opportunity. "Oh…I'd like to see her too. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you about a game night. I just had case after case dropped on me and-"

"No need to apologize." He cut her off pleasantly. "So…dinner?"

"I don't want to put you out."

"Never could. I'll even make you something special—whatever you want."

She shook her head adamantly. "That is completely unnecessary. Whatever you had planned is fine. Or we can get pizza."

He gasped, scandalized. "Pizza? On a school night? Alexis won't know what to do with herself!"

Kate chuckled. "I'm sure."

"Can you make it to my place by six? Or…"

"Six is fine," she confirmed.

He smiled as they settled their plans. "Okay. See you at six."

He stood to leave and she watched him go, not turning back to her food until he'd disappeared from her line of sight. Picking up a chunk of tomato and popping it in her mouth, Kate shook her head gently. Though she truly didn't want him to go out of his way on her behalf, something told her that dinner with the Castles would be just what the doctor ordered to make her feel better.

* * *

"Kate's here! Kate's here!" Alexis announced the moment a knock at his apartment door could be heard.

"Yes, I know," he said with a slight chuckle. Wiping his damp hands on his jeans, Castle crossed through the apartment to reach the door. It seemed Kate was a few minutes early, which was perfectly fine with him; the more time she spent there that evening, the better. "Hey, c'mon in."

Kate flashed a flustered smile as she walked in the door carrying her purse and a white shopping bag. "Hey," she breathed. "Sorry I'm a little early but-"

"Oh Kate!" Castle gasped when he caught sight of her left side, for the arm of her green blouse was splattered with dots of maroon. "I think you're bleeding."

"What? Oh shi—I mean crap!" She quickly corrected her curse. She craned her neck to get a better look at the wound and then huffed out. "Great…that's just great…"

"Bleeding?" Alexis's sweet voice drew both adults' attention. She walked over, looked at Kate's arm, then up at her face. "Why are you bleeding? Did you get a cut?"

"No, I was sh—injured. I was injured at work today. It's really not a big deal."

"But you're bleeding," Alexis insisted.

Kate reached out and stroked her hand over the little girl's head. "It's fine, Alexis; don't worry about it."

"It's not fine if it's bleeding," Castle told her in a quiet tone. Then, when she looked at him, he nodded towards the hall and said, "C'mon. Let's look at it before dinner; we have time."

"Oh, no—no. I'm fine. I can just-"

"Kate." He began with slight annoyance, knowing he was about to face one of her stubborn streaks. "It'll be quicker if I just help you out."

She hesitated for a moment, but then dropped her head in submission and began shuffling her way back towards the bathroom. Turning to his daughter he said, "Watch the stove, but don't touch anything; just call me if something starts to burn."

"Okay Dad!"

With Alexis watching their dinner, Castle walked back to the bathroom, where Kate was already struggling to get out of her arm brace. He helped slip the strap up and over her head, before he discovered their next issue: Kate wore a button-down blouse and presumably she did not want him to cut the sleeve open to get to her wound, which meant she needed to take her shirt off for him to help her. He was about to offer her a bath towel for modesty, but it appeared she didn't care, because she began to unbutton the shirt with just one hand.

"I stopped at Walgreens on the way here, so there are more dressings in that bag," she told him.

"Oh. Great." He picked up the bag, placed it on the small bathroom counter, and began to rummage through as he asked, "So what happened?"

"Bike messenger clipped me as I came out of the store. I was more startled than hurt, so I thought maybe he hit above or below the wound, but evidently not…"

Castle hummed, trying his best to ignore the fact that he could see Kate's beige bra now that she had pulled her left arm out of her shirt. Instead, he tried to focus on her left arm, which had a bandage wrapped around the bicep, most of which was soaked through with splotches of red. He unwound the gauze to reveal an angry-looking slice across her skin that made him cringe and groan out, "Jeez, Kate."

She scrunched her nose. "I know—looks horrible, right? I don't think it hurts as bad as it looks—at least, not right now. And the bruising hasn't even started yet! Tomorrow it'll look horrific."

Castle used some clean gauze to dab at the wound and saw that the blood seeping out had mostly stopped, which was a good sign. "No stitches?" he observed before turning back to the bag to get a new flat bandage and wrappings for her arm.

"Not deep enough. It should just scab over on its own and as long as I keep it clean and dry it'll be fine."

He frowned as he put the bandage in place and began to wrap gauze around it. "You're acting pretty casual about a gunshot wound," he pointed out. She made it seem no different than if she'd tripped on the sidewalk and scraped her knee, when in reality if she'd been standing a few inches to the left they'd be having a very different conversation at that moment.

"Just a reality of my job, Castle. This isn't my first gunshot wound and it won't be the last."

Giving her a pointed look as he finished the gauze he said, "For the record: I don't like hearing that."

After a moment of silence she cleared her throat and began tentatively, "You, um, you seemed really worried today when you showed up at the Twelfth."

"Of course I was worried—why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. I mean, we're friends and partners—kind of—but I-"

"What does that mean? Kind of?"

She gave a little shrug and reached for the collar of her shirt so she could put her arm back in the sleeve now that he'd wrapped it. "Well, you've been turning down most of the cases lately so-"

"That doesn't have anything to do with you," he said quickly while mentally kicking himself for not making his true reasoning clear. "Did you really think it did?"

"Well, no. I didn't think I'd done anything to offend you or anything, but I…I wasn't sure…"

He gave his head a gentle shake. "I just have a lot going on right now with my regular PI cases and some personal stuff. I… I just didn't think I had the time to take on extra work. I'm sorry I should have explained that better."

She forced a smile and quickly finished the rest of the buttons on her shirt. "It's fine. No harm done."

Feeling a twinge in his heart, Castle reached out and placed his left hand on her right shoulder. The last thing he wanted was her thinking in any way that he didn't care—that he didn't want to be her partner. When she met his eye, he said, "There is harm if you think I wouldn't care that you were shot. That you were even close to being shot. Because I care, Kate." Without even fully realizing he was doing it, he moved his hand to the side of her neck where his thumb could graze her jawline. He could feel her pulse thrumming, but she didn't look afraid or upset. If anything, she looked...hopeful.

"The thing is, Kate, I-"

"Dad! The pot is making a loud noise!"

"Shit!" Castle cursed instantly when their moment was disrupted by his daughter's alarm. He quickly moved to leave the bathroom, but then stopped when he realized that would leave Kate on her own to put the brace back on her arm. "Oh, I should, um-"

"I'm fine," she assured him, already sliding her left forearm into the appropriate part of the sling. "Go on."

"Okay." He then rushed out into the hall towards the kitchen, his mind still reeling from the fact that, had Alexis not interrupted them, he probably would have confessed to wanting her for much more than a partner.

* * *

Sitting on the couch with Kate on one side of him and Alexis on the other, Castle could not help but feel sad when the cartoon playing on the TV came to a close. Though he knew he was jumping the gun, he felt that moment they were sharing—the three of them together—was the way things were meant to be; the way things would be in time and, frankly, he couldn't wait.

After a delightful meal during which Kate was extremely complimentary of his stir-fry, she offered to help with the dishes, but of course could not functionally do so with only one arm. Instead, he'd sent her into the living room with Alexis where they played two rounds of Go Fish while waiting for him to join them. They then played a few rounds together before Alexis was permitted to watch her school-night-allotment of television. Castle doubted the show had been on for more than two minutes when he felt Kate's head droop onto his shoulder as a clear sign she was asleep. Not that he minded, of course; he was actually quite thrilled about it.

Over the next twenty minutes, her body drew steadily closer to his until she was completely balanced between his arm and the back of the sofa and the fingers of her right hand were curled delicately around his forearm. With her head nuzzled against his, he could not have imagined a more perfect way to spend the evening. Well, he supposed it would have been perfect if she had not suffered an injury earlier that day, but it was as perfect as it could be, all things considered.

When the show stopped playing, Castle turned the TV off with the remote and turned to his daughter. Speaking softly he said, "Go brush your teeth, okay? I'll be there shortly to tuck you in."

Alexis nodded, stood off the couch, and then practically did a double-take when she saw Kate. She had evidently been too engrossed in her show to realize what was happening on the couch beside her. She leaned in closer to examine Kate's crumpled form and then turned to her father to ask, "Is she gonna spend the night?"

"I don't think so; she just had a really stressful day," he said while forcing him not to think about a time when Kate would spend the night in bed with him.

After Alexis walked off, Castle shifted his arm slightly, trying to find the best way to wake Kate gently. Fortunately, moving his shoulder around did the trick and she began to stir. He dipped his chin and watched from the corner of his eye as she blinked, lifted her head, and then instantly appeared rather startled. "Oh—oh! I was…was I sleeping on you?"

He chuckled at the way she sounded almost horrified. "A little bit, yeah."

She quickly scooted almost a full couch cushion away from him and he could see the flame in her cheeks. "Oh, gosh—sorry! I'm so embarrassed."

He reached out his hand and gave her right forearm a squeeze. "Don't be; it was cute," he added with a wink. Then, he stood from the couch and said, "I'm just going to make sure Alexis gets to bed okay. Wait here for me?"

Once she nodded in confirmation, Castle walked back to the bathroom to find his daughter finishing up at the bathroom sink. As they crossed the hall into her bedroom, she said, "It's too bad we don't have an extra bedroom or Kate could just stay with us."

He smiled at her sweet sentiments and leaned against the doorframe while she changed into her pajamas. "She could do that, but I think she likes being at her apartment, too."

"I meant just sometimes. When she's tired."

"I see. Well that's very kind of you to say that, sweetheart; I'm sure Kate would appreciate those sentiments. Now, do you need anything else before bed?"

Alexis shook her head as she climbed up onto the mattress. Before she lay down, she turned to him and said, "Will you tell Kate I had fun playing cards with her tonight?"

"I sure will. Goodnight, pumpkin."

"'night Dad."

When Castle walked down the hall, he spotted Kate standing near the entryway trying to adjust the sling around her neck. "Oh, hey—do you need help with that?"

"No, no; I'm fine."

He nodded and then passed on Alexis's sentiments on the games they played together. Kate smiled and said, "Well I had fun playing with her too. We'll definitely have to do it again soon."

Castle smiled instantly when the most perfect idea hit him. "What about tomorrow?"

"What?" she half-laughed, clearly not expecting his invitation.

He took a step closer to her and gestured towards her bandaged arm, which he fully intended on using to his advantage in that particular moment. "I was just thinking… I know you said you could probably take the brace off tomorrow, but that doesn't mean your arm won't hurt. You can come back for dinner and another round of Go Fish."

She gave little shrug. "I'd be fine ordering takeout, Castle."

Refusing to feel disappointed or deterred, he took another step in her direction. "Sure. You could order takeout and if that's what you want, I'm certainly not going to twist your arm—your one good arm—into coming over but…" He gave a shrug and plastered a crooked, dopey smile on his face. "I know we'd both love to have you here."

She gazed at him for a moment before nipping at her bottom lip with her teeth. "Well, um, I don't think I can tomorrow, but how about the day after?"

He shrugged. "We don't have plans."

"Okay. I'll see you at six, then."

"Six." He echoed as his heart fluttered in response to her smile. Though he wanted to leap into the air and dance with joy, he restrained himself. This was it—the start of what was to come; he knew it. They needed to find their footing again, get back to being "them" after the stress of December and the separation of January, but then they'd be well on their way to "more."

He waited patiently while she put her shoes back on, collected her purse and bag of bandages, and made her way towards the door. As he walked her out and caught sight of her wince when she bumped her arm into the doorframe on the way out, he realized just how different their day could have been, particularly if he had to visit her in the hospital. Not wanting her to leave without acknowledging the moment, he called out softly, "Hey Kate?"

She stopped and turned back, curious. "Yeah?"

His heart hammering beneath his ribs, Castle stepped up to her, leaned down and tilted his head, and pressed a kiss to the apple of her right cheek. As she gazed at him a bit stunned he said, "I'm really glad you weren't hurt worse today."

"Oh, um, yeah." She gazed down at her left arm and when she looked back up he could tell her cheeks were rosy. "Goodnight, Castle."

"See you in two days, Kate." He replied, then, he stood in the doorway of his apartment watching her walk away until she disappeared into the alcove with the elevator. Only then did he go back inside and continue to go about his evening routine, the grin never leaving his face.

* * *

 **A/N** : Reminder - this fic has only 12 chs and an epilogue so there are only 3 more updates left

but don't worry, there's more to come :)


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Okay, we've got popcorn, drinks, and a blanket…anything we're missing?"

Kate gazed with amusement at Castle as he returned to the sitting area with a large bowl of popped popcorn in his hand. She and Alexis were already on the couch, a shared blanket draped across their lap as they waited for Saturday Night Movie Night to begin. When Alexis first proposed the idea, Kate hadn't hesitated to agree, but she had not anticipated Castle making such a big deal out of the event. Then again, since some days he made a big deal out of simply getting lunch, she shouldn't have been surprised.

"All ready, Dad!" Alexis informed him.

"Great. What movie did you choose?"

"That one!" she said, proudly pointing to the DVD box on the coffee table.

Castle picked it up and read, "Oh, Barbie's Princess Wedding… _again_ ," he added with a pointed look towards Kate. She stifled a laugh as it was clear from his tone that this movie was not one of his favorites.

"But Kate hasn't seen it yet, Dad."

"Right. Of course. I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

"Don't worry, Alexis," Kate began, nudging the girl's arm a little, "I'm looking forward to the movie."

Alexis gave her a small smile and then they relaxed back on the sofa as Castle put the DVD in the player and then joined then sat down on the other side of Alexis. Then, he grabbed a handful of popcorn to jam into his mouth and pressed the "play" button on the remote.

Though Kate tried to have an open mind, within just five minutes she fully understood why Castle had been less-than-enthusiastic about Barbie's wedding adventures. Of course Kate could tell simply from looking at the DVD cover that the film would not be Oscar-winning, but she had vastly underestimated just how bad it would be. Well—not _bad_. Just…not well suited for adults. Clearly, Alexis was enjoying herself.

The movie centralized around Barbie, who was a princess of an unnamed land in this version of her story. She had already met her prince charming (Ken, of course), and was preparing to wed, only she faced an amazing number of difficulties. As it was a movie for small children, nothing scary or overly dramatic happened, most of the mishaps involved lost items or a small tear in her veil. But in the end, Barbie and Ken married and they all seemed to live happily ever after.

"Did you like the movie, Kate?" Alexis asked hopefully as her father put away the DVD.

"Um…sure; it was cute." Truthfully, it wasn't a terrible way to spend seventy-five minutes of her life, though she imagined if she had been forced to sit through it as many times as Castle had she might have a different opinion.

Gazing up at her with innocent blue eyes, Alexis said, "When I get married, I want a big puffy dress just like Barbie's dress. What about you?"

Recalling that the diameter of Barbie's princess ball gown was probably equivalent to her height, Kate shook her head. "Um, no. No, that's a little bit too much dress for me, I think."

"What kind of dress do you want?"

Shrugging, Kate told her honestly, "I haven't given it much thought."

"Why not? You're kind of old…"

"Alexis!" Her father immediately scolded her before apologizing to Kate and reminding his daughter, "We do not tell people they are old or look old; that's not very nice."

Her cheeks a bit crimson, Alexis turned to Kate and said, "Sorry."

More amused than offended, Kate chuckled and brushed her hand over Alexis's arm. "It's fine. I just…you know, I just think about work a lot, not weddings, but I'll…I'll probably wear a simpler dress. Not so much poof."

Her smile returning, Alexis proclaimed, "But poof is fun!"

"Well, that's why there are so many different types of dresses, I guess—everyone like's something different," Kate pointed out.

"And, on that note, it's time for bed."

Alexis groaned, "Noooo," to her father, but he was not deterred. He reached out and gently pulled her off the couch then pointed her in the direction of the hall. He told Kate he'd return in a few minutes, and then followed her as she shuffled, grumbling the whole way.

Though Kate chuckled at the scene, after they disappeared, and she was left alone on the couch, a vision of herself wearing an enormous white ballgown entered her mind and she felt a shiver travel up her spine. While wearing a dress of that magnitude certainly would have been shocking in of itself, it was not the dress that unsettled Kate at that moment, but the notion of a wedding—and a marriage—as a whole.

Not once in her adult life had Kate thought about getting married or being married. She had never been with a man who made her think about the future and what it might have in store. She had never envisioned herself in a white dress walking down an aisle towards a smiling, tuxedo-wearing man. She was not outright opposed to the idea of marriage, but its very nature terrified her.

For almost two months—since the day a bullet grazed her arm—she and Castle had been growing ever-closer. In fact, on night's like that one, it definitely seemed as though they were a real couple but for the fact that they never did anything more intimate than hug. She loved their time together; she loved how close they were growing. They had definitely returned to the place they were before Alexis's accident—the place when she thought they might become _more_ but having Castle's daughter ask her about marriage merely dredged up the feelings of uncertainty that were always bubbling just beneath the surface of her mind.

If she and Castle were to become a real couple would they be on a marriage track? That was: did Castle even want to get married again after everything that happened with his first wife? At the very least it seemed plausible he would not want to dive head first into another serious relationship. That part she didn't mind; she had no problems if their relationship started casual and uncomplicated (though, admittedly, with her being so close to Alexis already, complication seemed unavoidable).

Even if Castle did want to get married again, what if he…well, what if he didn't want to marry her?

Kate knew that in order for their relationship to be successful and to be the kind of relationship she wanted, she would have to do everything she could to let go of her fears and open her heart fully to him. She wanted to do that—she was already so close!—but in doing so she opened herself up to the thing she'd been avoiding for nearly a decade: being hurt.

What if she opened herself fully to Castle and they were together for a period of time until he realized that she wasn't actually what he wanted. What if he wanted someone who was as enthusiastic about Christmas and other holidays as he was? What if he wanted someone who told silly jokes and was good at playing ridiculous games? What if he wanted someone who was complete, not broken?

No matter how much she told herself that Castle knew more about her than any other man before him, the fear remained. They had enough talks for him to be aware of her shortcomings—at least, some of them—so surely if he was totally disinterested, he would not have continued to encourage their family meals together, nightly phone calls, or movie nights. Still, her fingers trembled at the notion that she might just never be good enough.

* * *

With a bounce in his step, Castle returned to the living area where, much to his delight, Kate remained on the couch in the exact position he left her. He had hoped that she would stay for a nightcap after Alexis was in bed—or maybe even just to talk. With her still sitting on the couch, he hoped to join her beneath the blanket in hopes their time together might even progress to a little bit of snuggling.

In Castle's mind, the prior few weeks had been perfect—just as things were meant to be. Well, okay, maybe things could have been better if they involved a little more kissing, but he certainly wasn't issuing any complaints. He and Kate had not only returned to the way things were, but they were in an even better place—spending plenty of time together, chatting on the phone on the days they didn't see each other in person, and having moments. Those were, of course, his favorite times: when her hand would brush his arm or she would hold his gaze just a little too long. He wanted to gather each of them up and bottle them to take with him wherever he went so nothing could ever get him down.

"Hey so did you want a beer? Or I have plenty of whisky if you'd rath…hey." His tone turned abruptly soft when he spotted the strained look on her face. "Is everything okay?"

Looking a bit flustered, she pushed the blanket off her lap, stood, and folded her arms over her chest. "What? Oh, um, yeah—I'm fine."

He took a step closer to her. "Are you sure?"

"Mmhm. It's…it's nothing. I was…I was just thinking about what Alexis said."

"Oh, Kate." He half-groaned at the recollection of his daughter's assessment. He had no idea where such a comment had come from; she was usually so polite! "You know you're not old, right? You wont even be thirty until later this year!"

She looked slightly caught off-guard. "Wha…no—no not about that. I was thinking about wedding dresses…weddings…and how…how I probably won't get married—ever."

His brow wrinkled at her slightly unexpected statement. "You mean because…you don't believe in marriage?"

She gave her head a quick shake. "No. Just…I guess I'm just limiting my expectations because I figure no one will be interested."

His jaw fell open slightly at her statement that he was surely misunderstanding. How could she think that no one would be interested in marrying her when had certainly entered his mind more than once. She was such an incredible woman; it seemed unlikely he was the only one. "I…I guess I don't understand what you're saying."

"Then just forget it."

"No," he challenged, taking another step towards her so they barely stood more than a few feet apart. "Tell me. Please."

She groaned and raked her fingers back through her hair. Then, skimming her left hand down over her neck she began, "I'm not good at relationships—I'll admit it. My mother was murdered, my father became an alcoholic and after all that… Part of me just shut down. It's all on me—all the struggles I have with opening up—that's on me and I know that. I try…I've been trying, but sometimes I think its not enough…but what if it's all I can do? What if I try my hardest but….but I still can't find someone who wants to put up with me."

Castle was stunned for a moment by the most intimate confession he'd ever heard from her. Gazing into her eyes he didn't see the strong, brave, kick-ass Kate Beckett he'd come to know, but a vulnerable, uncertain woman with a damaged heart hoping that someone could love her, despite her shortcomings. As he unquestionably believed himself to be that man, he said softly, "Not possible."

A breathy noise that wasn't quite a laugh or a sigh escaped her lips. She shook her head and told him, "You can't know that."

"I can, because I…do..." His confident statement trailed off at the end when he realized the words came from his heart without his permission. They stared at each other, each a bit wide-eyed, for ten seconds before he broke their eye gaze and brushed his fingertips over his forehead. "Wow. Um. Okay. That's out there, but you know its good. It…it's time." He nodded his head, more confident in what had inadvertently transpired. They couldn't live with just those little movements forever—he knew that—but he had also failed to come up with the "right time" to tell her how he felt, so that moment seemed as good as any, particularly if she was already in a vulnerable state.

He watched her chest rise and fall for several seconds before she whispered, "Time?"

"Yeah. Time to stop…I don't know—dancing around this thing. You feel it, too—at least, I think you do. But…well, the truth is I haven't wanted to be a PI for a while now…since the new year. That's the real reason I backed off on my cases with the NYPD; I've been writing again. I know—I didn't say anything," he added hastily when her eyes widened, "and I should have, but I was nervous…nervous I'd get halfway through the book and then be crippled with writer's block like I was with Storm, but I haven't. I mean, it's going well. I'm about two-thirds done with the book."

The uncertainty melted from her expression as she proclaimed, "That's great!"

He smiled. "It is, but it also kind of sucks, because I don't get to see you, to be your partner, because honestly that's the only reason I've kept taking any PI business at all in the past three months—just so I could spend time with you."

Castle stepped forward until he was within touching distance of Kate. He reached down and picked up her left hand with his right and brushed his thumb over her knuckles. "I know it's different now that we have evenings like this one. We'd still see each other even if I wasn't working cases, but I… I really liked working cases with you because that meant I saw you almost all day for several days in a row and I really want to see you every day. I want to see you smile every day. That's why I started to bring you coffee."

For possibly the longest fifteen seconds of his life, Kate merely stared at him, statuesque and hardly breathing. Then, her jaw opened slightly, and he could see tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. After a few more seconds of silence, she managed, "I…how long have you felt this way?"

He let out a breathy laugh as he felt his cheeks and ears turn warm. He gave her hand an extra little squeeze before dropping it and bringing up his right hand to rub against the back of his neck. "Oh…awhile. An embarrassingly long time, probably."

"Oh, Rick…"

He felt his skin flush again at her use of his first name, which she so rarely spoke. Thinking it might have been an indicator that he overwhelmed her a bit with his confession, he apologized. "Sorry. I know that was a lot—and not what you were expecting tonight."

"No. No." She shook her head and brushed her fingers over her cheeks, then she gave him a soft smile. "But you're completely right. We have been…dancing."

His heart fluttered in his chest as her smile began to spread from ear to ear. Reaching out his hand again, he snagged one of hers and asked, "Since when?"

"Since…December. Our date."

Feeling his heart try to jump out of his throat, he half laughed and pointed out, "I thought it wasn't a date."

She dragged her teeth across her bottom lip in that way that drove him absolutely crazy. "It was a date."

"Thought so."

She reached out with her free hand and placed it flat against his chest. "When we stepped off the elevator, I thought you were going to kiss me. I…part of me really wanted you to, but that scared me, so I ran. I always run," she added with the bitter shake of her head.

He moved his hands to her waist, so he could pull her body just a little closer to his. "What about now?"

"Now…I'm trying not to."

"That's a start."

Her fingers danced across his chest and she dipped her gaze a little as she confessed, "It actually started a little before the holidays."

"How much before?"

Again, she trapped her lip with her teeth. Lowering her chin, she gazed at him from beneath her brow line and confessed, "An embarrassingly long time."

Castle was convinced he levitated in that moment, for his heart was soaring so high it seemed impossible his feet could stay on the ground. "Really?"

She nodded and skimmed her hands up so they rested on the tops of his shoulders. "You're the first person I let myself trust in a long time. You're kind, and sweet,…and—and then when Alexis had her accident I felt upset and angry and…it was like you were family."

With her hoarse, clearly emotional confession, Castle was certain: he was in love with her. She was perfect, and absolutely everything he never realized was possible. "We can be."

Rising up on her toes she sighed, "We already are," and then pressed her lips against his.

Castle let out a moan of delight as his hands met behind her back and they sunk in to their first kiss. God, it was the definition of perfection. He could not have written a better moment even if he tried.

They kissed again and again as her hands fell against his cheeks. Unable to resist, his right hand drifted down until he grabbed her ass, dragging her mouth even tighter against his. She laughed, nipped at his bottom lip with her teeth, and then looped her arms around his neck. Parting her lips, she took him all the way in and it was without question one of the best moments of his life.

"God, Kate," he groaned out as their kisses grew more heated. She pulled back enough to grin at him, then began kissing her way across his jawline as her nails raked against his chest. Barely able to think rationally, he muttered out, "We, um, should we—do you want to take things slow?"

She pulled back and gave him one of the sexiest, steamiest gazes he'd ever seen. He actually felt all the blood begin to descend towards the lower half of his body as she grunted, "Are you kidding me?"

"Well, I mean, I was…"

"Castle," she began, pressing a quick kiss against his bottom lip, "Shhh."

"Okay," he agreed happily before looping his arms around her waist and pulling her in for another kiss.

Somehow—though he was not entirely sure how—they managed to make it out of the sitting area without knocking over anything of value. Once in the hall, they were less successful, bumping into a few walls with shoulders and butts until, just outside the bathroom, Castle gave up all together and hoisted Kate up so that her legs locked around his waist. She let out a squeal of delight and continued to kiss him as he pressed her body up against the wall. Her hips ground down against his and he felt all rational thought slip away. He wanted her so much.

"Kate, Kate…" He panted out her name as he ravished her neck with kisses and quick nips of his teeth. Just as he was about to tear her blouse from her body he heard a very confused voice say, "Dad! What are you doing to Kate?"

Every part of Castle's body froze except for his heart, which began thundering at speeds well above a hundred and fifty beats per minute. He simultaneously relaxed his grip on Kate's body and turned towards his daughter's voice, leaving her to slide down the wall until her feet hit the ground. Certain he appeared to be in a completely disheveled state, Castle gazed into her innocent blue eyes and stammered, "Ah, um, well, we, um—wait. Why are you out of bed?" he asked once an ounce of rationality crept into his brain.

"I heard a noise."

"Oh." Right, that was probably them, banging themselves into walls as they tried to….well, never mind. "Um, you know what sweetie, that's totally our fault. We, um, we were playing a game and got a little bit too loud—I'm sorry."

He watched as Alexis's gaze shifted from him to the woman behind him and back. "What game are you playing?"

"Um…" Panicking internally, he turned back to Kate to see she looked equally startled—and disheveled—which really did nothing to aid to the casualness of their defense. Thankfully, Alexis was only seven and had no idea what sex was, so she would probably accept any explanation, even if it was a half-baked one. "It's a new one. Kate was, um, trying to tell me the rules—why, why don't you get back in bed? We'll be quieter; I promise."

"Okay…but you have to teach me a new game too, Kate."

"Uh, sure, Alexis," Kate replied using a higher pitched voice than normal.

Castle watched as his daughter returned to her bedroom, then he turned to his companion who now had both hands up on her face covering her mouth.

"Oh my god," she hissed.

Had he still not been panicking, he might have found the situation funny. Thankfully, he still felt rattled, so he said, "Totally my fault; I'm sorry."

"No, no it's fine. Do, um…should I go?"

Not wanting to miss the opportunity he'd been waiting on for months, he gently placed his hand on her arm and said, "No, no. I mean: just give her a few minutes to fall back to sleep and…and then…"

She smirked at him. "We can keep playing our game?"

He chuckled. "Yeah…something like that… Go on," he gestured towards the room at the end of the hall. "I'll be in shortly."

"Okay," she agreed. Then, once she'd tip-toed down the hall, Castle leaned (gently!) against the wall, shut his eyes, and breathed deeply, for the first time thinking about how he'd almost traumatized his daughter for life. As sexy as Kate was, he still needed to keep his wits about him as long as there was a young child in the same apartment. Especially since he never wanted anything like that to happen again.

* * *

Once she was safely behind Castle's bedroom door, Kate shut her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to recover from the near heart attack she'd just suffered. Once Castle started kissing her, Kate had entirely forgotten about the little girl sleeping down the hall, so the fact that their activities woke her was as much her fault as it was his. Thank god he'd kept his wits about him enough to smooth over the situation. Still, it was not exactly the romantic moment she'd been anticipating.

Opening her eyes, Kate took two steps further into the bedroom only to find that was about as far as she could walk before she bumped in to the queen-sized mattress. Her bedroom certainly wasn't spacious, but this one really was jammed-packed. In addition to the unmade bed and two chests of drawers, the far wall had boxes and plastic storage containers filling up nearly every inch of space along the walls. Taking note of the fact that his closet hardly seemed more than eighteen inches wide, she couldn't blame him for the clutter. Manhattan apartments never did put a priority on storage space. Plus, she very much doubted he expected to have guests in his bedroom that evening—clearly, as he hadn't even made the bed.

Turning around, Kate sat on the end of the mattress and placed her hands on either side of her, drumming her fingers against the sheets as she reviewed the last ten minutes in her mind. Castle wanted her—not just for a night or a fling—but for the long-haul. He cared for her in a way she'd hoped he would and it was wonderful. Somehow, seeing his loving gaze as he spoke such kind things had quelled most of the fears inside and she was ready to just be happy. Very, very happy.

She only waited a few minutes for Castle to enter the room, shut the door behind him and whisper, "Hi."

"Hi," she echoed in a similarly quiet tone.

He dropped to the floor in front of her and kneeled, which made their eyes almost at even level. He stroked his thumb across her cheek and leaned in for a kiss. Though she pressed her lips against his, Kate felt distracted as she thought of the little girl on the other side of the wall, who may or may not have been intently listening to their "game."

Clearly picking up on her hesitance, Castle pulled back and asked, "What's wrong? Are you having second thoughts?"

"No—not at all!" she promised him. Then, gazing quickly towards the door and back she asked, "Do you think she can hear us—Alexis?"

He shook his head. "No she's asleep; we're fine."

Accepting this answer, she pulled him in for another kiss, that time dragging him onto the mattress with her. She scooted back towards the pillows and he followed. When she finally lay back and he hovered above her, he grinned and said, "You're so beautiful," before lowering his body on top of hers. As his hands roamed her sides, she began to unbutton his shirt. Only when her fingertips pressed against his bare chest did he pull back and curse.

"Shit, wait hold on—hold on." He floundered a bit, his body half on hers, half wiggling on the mattress as he reached out for the bedside table.

"What? What are you doing?" she asked.

He grunted as he rolled all the way off the mattress and dug through the second drawer in the end table until he procured a box of condoms, held it up, and proclaimed, "Ah ha! Thank god!"

"Okay," she half laughed, finding his excitement over birth control a bit too extreme.

"I, um, I couldn't remember if I thought about buying these or if I actually did buy them. Thankfully, I actually did, or this evening would have taken a totally disappointing turn."

As he opened the box and removed one of the condoms to place on the nightstand, Kate found his expression to filled with excitement reminiscent of experiences from her late teens, which made a thought pop into her mind. "Have…have you been with anyone since your divorce?"

He sat back on the mattress and shook his head. "Is that okay?"

She pressed her hand on his back and said, "Just asking." Given how things had ended with Meredith, she wasn't surprised Castle had waited a decent period of time before being intimate with someone again. Waiting well over a year was a bit surprising, but then again, it sounded as though he, like she, thought of them as far closer than they technically were for quite some time.

"I just…nothing ever seemed right: the timing, the women. Then I realized that nothing would ever be right—nothing except this." He bowed his head to kiss her then leaned back, shed his shirt, and rejoined her on the bed.

Kate opened her arms and pulled his body against hers. As they kissed and used their hands to explore every inch of one another, Kate knew her partner had been entirely correct: nothing would ever be more right than being with him, the man she was falling in love with.

* * *

 **A/N** Thank you all so much for reading & reviewing. There are 2 more parts to this (Ch 12 & epilogue) but this fic is taking a short break because this upcoming weekend is the Tumblr pornado so i will be posting 2 fics for that.

This will be updated next in 1 week

thanks!


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Lying in bed just before two p.m. on Monday, Kate had her eyes shut as she tried to fall back to sleep, but there was little use. Her body simply didn't want to sleep—no matter how thoroughly her companion had attempted to tire them out. She knew that in six hours, when her shift would start for the night, she would regret not making a more valiant effort to get some rest, but, then again, maybe not. Spending the day with Castle certainly had been an adventure well worth future exhaustion.

Saturday night after making love and sharing soft conversation, Kate left Castle's apartment shortly before midnight. As much as she wanted to spend the night beside him, she had too much planned for the next day. Plus, she wasn't yet sure how they would be telling Alexis about their budding relationship, and she didn't want any awkward early-morning interactions to inadvertently spill the beans; they had already had one close call with her that weekend and one was more than enough.

Before she left, the duo made plans to spend Monday together before Kate began a week of working night shifts. While Castle requested she come over immediately after Alexis left for school to maximize their time together, Kate called him insane and said she'd show up around mid-morning. As much as she wanted to do a quick load of laundry and tidy up her apartment, the later the morning went on Kate realized how anxious she was about seeing him again. Evidently, he felt the same, because she had barely walked two feet into his apartment before he was kissing her and trying to take off her clothes.

Though Kate protested at first, thinking maybe they should speak more than two words to each other before stripping, Castle won her over with his enthusiasm. In fact, they didn't even make it to the bedroom for that round; they made love against the closed bathroom door with his pants still around his ankles and her shirt dangling from her neck like a scarf.

After collecting themselves and redressing, they chatted over a cup of coffee, before they could no longer suppress the desire to keep their hands to themselves. While Castle recommended the kitchen table for round two (and she honestly wasn't sure to what level he was joking) she managed to drag them back into the bedroom. After they ate a late lunch, they decided on a nap before Alexis returned home from school. Sated and happy, Kate had dozed for half an hour, but no longer as her mind filtered through potential reactions from Alexis when she returned home from school and found them together.

Kate loved Alexis; there was no question about that. Given how adorable she was, not loving the little girl was nearly impossible, but Kate had felt that way for a long time—before she even realized how much she cared for Castle on a romantic level. As she was already such a steady figure in Alexis's life, she had no problem continuing that, but wanted to do it the right way so that it wasn't scary or upsetting to Alexis. For Kate, that would have been truly heartbreaking.

Rolling over onto her side, Kate expected to see Castle still sleeping, but he wasn't. In fact, he looked quite serious as he stared up at the ceiling. No, not quite serious, but most astonished—as though he could see through the ceiling of the apartment out into the night sky, which was modeled with the most impressive array of stars anyone had ever seen.

"Hey," she said softly to call his attention. "What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…you just look…extra amazed or something."

He grinned and rolled over on his side facing her. Reaching out his hand to rest atop her bare shoulder, he pointed out, "Well we've had a pretty amazing day so far."

She smiled softly at the true assessment. "Yes, but its more…right?"

He nodded in confirmation. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess… I don't know. I was thinking about my life and how I've been at such a transition point seemingly for quite some time. A year ago I knew that I had to concentrate on Alexis, recover from my divorce and… I never consciously thought about dating again—not really. Women would smile at me or say hello but…but it was like that part of me just closed off; I wasn't interested. Then, one day out of the blue it was like I'd opened my eyes again for the first time and there you were. All I could think was, my god, how did I not think about this before because it's the most obvious thing in the world—us, together." Moving his hand from her shoulder to cup her cheek, he said, "I want you to be my girlfriend officially."

"Girlfriend?" she echoed the word as her heart fluttered beneath her ribs. Not that she didn't believe that was the direction they were headed, but the way he gazed at her with such reverence practically took her breath away.

"Yeah, I figure that's a good place to start."

"Okay."

"Okay." He agreed before leaning in to smudge his lips against hers. "And we'll tell Alexis tonight."

Kate immediately felt her face flush, which of course her partner picked up on. His brow wrinkled, and he asked, "What? You don't want to?"

She pushed herself up so that her elbow was braced against the mattress and her hand cradled her head. "It's not that. I just… I want to do this right, Rick, and that might mean taking things a little slow."

He quirked his lips into a half-grin. "Well yeah—I haven't asked you to move in yet."

"Not funny!"

"A little funny."

She huffed at him. "I'm serious, Rick! I… it's been a long time since I've opened up this way. No I've never opened up this way," she corrected honestly, "and I really don't want to mess this up."

He stroked her cheek again as he gazed at her. "Don't you think you've already come a long way? I mean you already seem so different than when we met."

She nodded. "I am, I absolutely am, and I owe all that to you…and Alexis, but being the girlfriend is new." When they'd first met over a year prior, she had been stiff, a little cold, and far too serious. Yes, she still loosened up around her close friends like Lanie, but it was always in a guarded way. The dark events of her life and her job had seeped their way into her bones, almost tainting her for good. Then, by some miracle, Castle and his spirted daughter had fought their way in and she found that giving in to joy wasn't a challenge any more. With Castle and Alexis, it was natural.

Castle gazed at her for a moment, considering. "I don't want to pressure you but… if we don't tell Alexis we're dating, it will be more confusing if you spend the night."

"I could just not," she suggested.

"Don't you want to?"

As she most certainly did, she instead suggested, "I could sneak out early."

"Alexis gets up by seven. Plus…don't you want Sunday morning pancake breakfasts with us?"

Kate chuckled at his enticing smile. "I bet you make really good pancakes."

"They are quite excellent. So," he reached out to stroke her arm again, "what do you say?"

Feeling a little bit of anxiety bubble up inside her, Kate confessed, "I just don't want her to…I don't know, be upset with me…"

"How could she be? She loves you."

"And I love her, but…"

"What?"

Kate gazed around the room for a moment, trying to put herself in the little girl's shoes. "The last person that slept in here with you was her mom. I just don't want her to think I'm…I don't know, trying to replace her or I don't know. I'm not making sense…"

To his credit, Castle didn't make her feel crazy in the slightest. "Yes, you are, but Kate…you realize you have been a female role model for Alexis for a little while now."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't want to upset her. I mean…she almost caught us having sex once—what if we traumatize her?"

"I'll pay for therapy."

Kate reached over and gave his arm a playful smack. "Castle!"

He grinned. "Kidding. Mostly. We'll find our way through, okay? Together?"

"Yeah, together."

"Good." He reached out his arms to draw her closer. She snuggled against him, resting her head against his shoulder and draping one of her arms across his waist. They held each other closely for several minutes before Castle dipped his chin, kissed her head and sighed, "I'm really happy, Kate."

She closed her eyes, hugged him tighter and sighed, "Me too, me too," never meaning it more.

* * *

"Yay – Kate's here!" Alexis cheered when she barreled into the apartment after her father picked her up from school. Castle hadn't told her that Kate was waiting for them back at home. He'd simply let her chatter on about school that day during their fifteen-minute trip home.

Kate stood from where she waited on the couch and gave the little red-head a hug. "Hi Alexis."

"Alexis, honey, why don't we all sit down on the couch so we can talk for a minute?"

The girl's face immediately crinkled into one of great concern. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, no! Not at all! This is good news."

Alexis shrugged off her backpack, dropped it on the floor by the couch, and then went to sit beside Kate. "Ooh are you going to show me that new game?"

"Uh, no—No," Kate responded, clearly flustered. "Not now."

Castle took a seat on the coffee table, so he could face his daughter as they spoke. "No, Alexis we…Kate and I want you to know that we're going to be dating now—boyfriend and girlfriend."

Alexis gazed between the two adults for a moment. "You won't work together anymore?"

He briefly looked at Kate as they had not yet fully discussed what would happen with his NYPD consultant arrangement with the change in their relationship status; however, since he'd been less and less interested in working PI cases now that his writing was going well again, he assumed he would no longer be frequenting the Twelfth precinct. "No, probably not very much, but that's okay because we're going to spend a lot of time together."

"Like eating dinner?"

"Yes, dinner, but other things too, like…well, we'll do things together on weekends. And Kate will be spending the night."

A slightly shocked look crossed Alexis's face. "Are you going to sleep on my bedroom floor?"

"Wha…No…" Kate responded, looking as baffled as he felt at that response; he had no idea why his daughter would have made such an assumption.

Reaching out to squeezed her hand, Castle explained, "No, honey, she'll…she'll share my bed."

"Like Mommy did?"

"Yes?"

"Doesn't that mean you're married?"

He smiled softly. "No, you don't have to be married to share a bed, but you have to care about each other very much. Actually, that's why you do it—because you care about that person so much you want to be beside them."

"Even when you're sleeping!?"

He nearly chuckled at her shocked tone. "Yes."

Alexis looked between the two adults for several more moments before agreeing, "Okay."

"Do you have any more questions, sweetie?"

"I don't think so."

He gave her hand a tight squeeze. "Well you know you can talk to me anytime if something comes up, okay?"

"Okay."

With that, she picked up her backpack and disappeared off in the direction of her room. When she was gone, Castle turned to his companion and smiled. "See—she's thrilled."

Kate laughed. "I think she was unfazed at best."

He shrugged and proclaimed, "Same thing." Then he moved so he sat beside Kate on the couch so he could loop an arm around her shoulders and plant a kiss on her cheek. "We're gonna be great, Kate," he said to her. He knew, in that moment, that this was it for him—the relationship he would have for the rest of his life. Though in the wake of his dying marriage Castle questioned whether he would ever find a great love again, he had also never anticipated meeting someone like her. Someone extraordinary. Someone incredible. Someone who just…fit. It didn't matter to him whether they married in one year or five (though, as he definitely wanted more children, the was hoping for sooner than later), he knew it would happen someday, just as sure as he knew he loved her.

Dropping her head onto his chest, she gave his belly a little scratch and said, "You know, I think we are."

* * *

 **A.N** : thanks so much for reading. Epilogue will be up soon. Then there will be a new fic :)


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Standing outside the prep school building, Kate Beckett waited patiently with her hands tucked into her pockets to protect them from the still-chilly early spring air. As kids began to slowly trickle out, a breeze kicked up and Kate ducked her head to protect as much of her neck and face as she could with her collar. Maybe the lighter trench coat had been a miscalculation that day as it was colder than she thought with the breeze. Thankfully, Alexis would be out soon and their walk to the subway wasn't that far.

Typically, Castle walked his his ten-year-old to and from school every day without missing a beat. Though Kate always offered to help when she had free time on weekdays, he rarely took her up on that offer unless something truly prevented him from being available. On that particular day, he was meeting with his editors who insisted they needed a two-hour block of time in the middle of the afternoon to review his latest few chapters. When Castle asked her to fill in, he seemed almost apologetic about it, but Kate promised she didn't mind; she never minded spending more time with her almost-step-daughter.

When the bright haired little girl ran out onto the sidewalk Kate reached out her hand, gave the little girl's a squeeze and said, "Ready to go, bud?"

"Yep!" Alexis waived goodbye to several of her classmates before the two began to stroll side-by-side down the sidewalk.

"So how was school? Anything interesting happen today?"

"We learned about babies and penises."

"Wha…." Kate croaked and stopped walking immediately. Gazing down at the girl with a mixture of shock and confusion she managed, "Wh-what did you say?"

"We watched a video that told us about babies—and a lot of stuff." Alexis further clarified with a scrunched up nose.

"Video…" Kate echoed as she unconsciously unbuttoned the top button on her coat; damn, why was it suddenly so hot out?! Her head spun with confusion for several moments before she realized what must have happened. "Oh you…did you watch a sex ed video?"

"Uh huh."

Kate struggled to keep up as Alexis bounced down the sidewalk. Mentally, she cursed her partner for not giving her any sort of warning whatsoever. Surely, if the kids were going to watch that type of video, a note would have been sent home to parents informing them—or at least warning them—that it would be happening. Now, she had to be the adult—the parent—with absolutely no preparation whatsoever. Though she supposed her situation was a good representation of what would happen when she eventually had babies of her own: she would be thrown into the deep end with no life raft.

"Okay." Kate's voice came out as a bit of a squeak, so she cleared her throat and continued. "Do, um, do you have questions?"

Alexis gave a non-committal shoulder shrug. "Our teacher told us a lot but...well, after class in the hall some of the kids were talking, and… They said people do that for fun, not just for babies. Is that right?"

Kate felt her mouth go instantly dry at the question. Jesus! She was going to kill her fiancé! "Well…" She began slowly, giving herself a moment to formulate an answer. She didn't want to lie to the girl; that would have been wrong and surely backfired, but giving honest answers about adult sexual relationships to a ten-year-old certainly was a tricky path to navigate. "Um, yes. Yes I suppose that's true but-"

"So you and my dad do that?"

Kate felt her face flush under the scrutiny of the girl's curious blue eyes. "Y..yes."

Alexis momentarily scrunched her nose and then continued to face down the sidewalk. "Oh."

Not wanting the girl to get a wrong impression, Kate reached out and gently touched Alexis's shoulder so she would stop walking and face her. "The thing is, Alexis—and this is very important—that is private. It's something that happens between two adults that love each other and it's not something that you generally discuss in public."

The girl nodded, clearly considering this for a moment, and then asked. "But why do you do it?"

Knowing "because it's fun" or "it feels good" were not ten-year-old appropriate responses, Kate instead said, "Because you love that person and want to be closer to them."

Her eyes widened. "Close?! _It_ goes _inside_ you! That's more than close!"

Kate nearly laughed at the girl's very blunt observation, particularly since she looked more than a little unsettled while saying it. While the comment was amusing, Kate also felt concerned as to how detailed the student's video must have been if Alexis made a comment like that. Surely it would have been more cartoonish than pornographic, but she wasn't sure (and feared asking) so she instead clarified with, "I meant figuratively close."

"Oh. But…doesn't it hurt?"

"No, of course not. It never should."

Alexis contorted her whole face for a moment and then shook her head commenting, "It's still gross."

Kate laughed, patted the girl's back, and then kept walking down the sidewalk. "Somehow I think your dad would be glad to hear that."

"It is!"

"I know; I thought so too at your age."

"I'll always think that."

Kate gave her a soft smile knowing that, once again, she had similar thoughts in the immediate aftermath of her class on sex ed. "Well that's ok if you do, but that's why sex is between adults its very serious. Do you have more questions?"

"Just…if I don't want to have babies, does that mean I can skip that period thing?"

Kate laughed again. "Um, no, sorry; doesn't work like that."

With a sad little sigh, Alexis admitted, "Thought so…"

* * *

With a whistle on his lips, Castle let himself into his apartment, anxious to see his two favorite ladies after a mind-numbing meeting during which his editors pointed out what felt like every single typo or grammatical mistake he'd made in the first half of Nikki Heat's third tale. Yes, he wanted the final part of her trilogy to be as successful as the first two, but this was only the preliminary review, so he didn't feel like such an exhausting endeavor was really worth it.

When he walked into the apartment, Castle first caught sight of Kate moving between the kitchen counter and the refrigerator, presumably pulling out ingredients to make their dinner. Wanting to observe for just a moment longer, he shut the door quietly, leaned back against it, and watched her move. God, he loved her.

Almost three full years had passed since the official onset of their romantic relationship and he could not have been happier. Their partnership blossomed into a strong, loving relationship just as he hoped it would. Though they did have a few pitfalls (most notably when she found out about the Nikki Heat book and was furious at him for not informing her about it before the book was complete) they made it through stronger and more in love than ever.

Though he'd found himself wanting to propose almost right away, he was delayed by a suddenly busy career, as his new book, Naked Heat, was a runaway success. His publisher told him to immediately begin working on a second book, and he happily did so, but then woke up one morning and was almost shocked to realize he and Kate had been together for over eighteen months. After conferring with Alexis he proposed the next day and she happily accepted. Now they were on the cusp of more changes—their wedding and a move to a larger apartment—both of which he was excited for, but his favorite moments were ones like these: making meals together, eating and swapping stories; being a family.

Castle pushed himself away from the door, intent on greeting his fiancée with a kiss, but was interrupted when his daughter came scampering down the hall with a book in her hands. "Hey Pumpkin." He leaned down and placed a kiss atop her head. "How was school?"

She shrugged as she looked up at him. "Okay. We learned about penises in vaginas."

Castle dropped the portfolio containing his manuscript and his heartrate spiked. "What!?"

Alexis gave him a patient smile. "It's okay, Dad. Kate told me you do it, too."

"Jesus! What?! What?" he stammered out as sweat formed on his brow and he began to fell nauseous. Oh god—was this what having a heart attack felt like!?

Alexis bent down, scooped up his portfolio, and held it out to him. "Are you okay Dad?"

He took it with a distant, "No…"

"It was sex ed day at school, Rick. Did you know that?"

Castle blinked at the woman approaching from the kitchen. She wore a knowing smirk and folded her hands over her chest as she stood a few feet away. Sex ed day? His brain processed her statement for a moment, but then he gasped and spluttered, "What? No! No—that's not until next week!" He had definitely received the letter—he remembered that—but was certain the date was more towards the end of the month!

"No, no—it was today."

"Oh shit—I mean shoot!" He corrected quickly under his daughter's disapproving glare. "Oh, Alexis, I'm sorry—we should have, um, talked about this before. Do you have any questions?"

"No. Kate answered them," she said simply before taking her book and walking off towards the couch.

With his heartrate slowly falling back to normal, Castle stumbled forward placed his portfolio on the kitchen table, and gazed over at the woman clearly waffling between annoyed and amused. "So there's no need to ask how your afternoon was…."

A blip of laughter escaped her lips. "Um, no; it was certainly interesting."

Castle dropped his chin to his chest and cursed. On one hand he was frustrated with himself for getting the date wrong and not having what was surely a pivotal conversation with his daughter ahead of time. On the other hand, if it had gone as it sounded, perhaps he wasn't all that disappointed that he missed it. "She asked you if we have sex?" he questioned in a hushed tone.

"Yep."

"God."

As he leaned more heavily against the table, Kate placed her hand on his shoulder. "It was shocking to say the least, but I think I kept my answers age-appropriate. At least, I tried to. By the way, you'll be pleased to know she thinks the idea of sex is gross."

He groaned and brought his hands up to scrub across his face. "Well thank god for that!" In fact, he was perfectly happy with her keeping that opinion for the next twenty or so years, as unrealistic as that was.

Kate hummed. "You sure picked a hell of an afternoon for a meeting."

Castle groaned, picked up her hand and brought it to his lips so he could kiss her knuckles. "I'm so sorry."

Smiling, she shrugged. "It's ok. At least we can cross sex talk off the list, but in ten years you're definitely doing the next one."

At first he laughed, but then the wheels of his brain started turning and he glanced excitedly between her face and her belly. "Ten years…are you…?"

"No! No!" she said quickly. "Not that I know of, anyway. I'm just planning ahead."

He nodded. "Sounds good." Before she could walk away, he tugged on her hand to pull her closer and then snuck an arm around her waist. "Hey, just for the record? I can't wait to marry you in two months."

She smiled and kissed him. "Me either."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!

I do have another multi chap, but I have yet to think of a name for it...and my muse seems to have returned with a vengeance because i'm furiously working on another multi chap, so It'll be at least a week before I post something else, but I promise i have more coming! :)


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